My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction. The company he has worked for for several decades really values him and has offered him numerous promotions but he won’t take them. He prefers running the big equipment and not being responsible for idiots — his words. Unfortunately, every so often they hire some new young supervisor for a job who thinks that, because they have some fancy college education and an expensive shirt and tie, they know more than anyone else.
One day, they are clearing land for a road. My father-in-law is operating a closed cab backhoe. It’s not common to see a closed cab but it essentially surrounds the operator in glass to protect them from brush and such as they are moving through an undeveloped area.
He comes upon a tree that needs to be knocked down and realizes that it is hollow. Looking upward, he sees what looks to be liquid flowing down. My father-in-law knows that means a mighty big beehive. He also knows what will happen if anyone so much as touches that tree. He shuts down the backhoe and climbs out to take a better look to decide the best course of action.
The new supervisor comes stomping over.
Supervisor: Shouting “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”
Father-In-Law: “The tree is hollow. You can see up there…”
Supervisor: Cutting him off “I don’t give a d***. Get in there and get to it!”
Father-In-Law: “But you don’t understand. If I touch that tree…”
Supervisor: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I DON’T UNDERSTAND?! I will have you know that I have far more education than you! Now get your stupid, uneducated a** back in that cab, you old f***, and KNOCK DOWN THAT TREE!”
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
The construction company teams up with another company to do a very big and lucrative highway job. My father-in-law has a lot of experience with repairing big machines, so they send him to the site to work on the big and incredibly expensive machines.
The mechanic from the other company, for some unknown reason, takes great offense that my father-in-law was put in charge and is just a jerk the whole time; he argues with him every chance he gets, even over things as simple as putting the correct type of oil in the machinery.
My father-in-law gets a call and has to go home for a family emergency. He instructs the mechanic and the helpers from the other company that he is in the middle of changing the oil on a piece of equipment and asks them to finish it.
He gets an urgent call the next day to come in to the job site, which he quickly does. In the office, the owners of the construction company and some big wigs from the other company are arguing, with the other mechanic sitting in the corner with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face. Apparently, the piece of equipment’s engine froze, which resulted in something worth several hundreds of thousands of dollars being worth nothing but scrap. The company blames my father-in-law because he was working on it, and they are demanding that the construction company replace it.
My father-in-law figures out what happened pretty quickly. He tells them he will be right back, and he returns with a box and a scared-looking helper. He dumps out the box of parts onto the table. They are bluish in color, which is what happens to engine parts when they are run without oil. He gives the poor helper an angry look and growls, “Tell them!”
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
My father-in-law is tasked with transporting a rather large piece of construction equipment to another part of the state down an old highway. It has to be loaded on a heavy-duty tractor-trailer; it’s huge, tall, wide, and expensive. My father-in-law prefers traveling late at night where there isn’t as much traffic and there’s a lower chance of ending up in an accident. Because of the size, he is required to contact the state Department of Transit (DOT) and get permission to go down the highway so as to make sure it can safely pass under the bridges on the way. My father-in-law takes time to measure the height and width at least three times.
So, he starts off. About four hours in, around 2:00 am, he comes upon one of the lowest bridges on the route. The bridge has a sign on it saying the height is 13’6″, which is about 6″ higher than the equipment he is hauling. He knows it is going to be a tight fit but feels confident he will make it. You already know what happens. Yep, he crashes right into the bridge. He calls the state police who show up with a DOT inspector, who just happens to be an old friend of my father-in-law.
Inspector: “Man, [Father-In-Law], you did a number on that old bridge. I am awfully sorry, but I am going to have to hit you with a number of fines and this could affect your license.”
Father-In-Law: “No, no, don’t apologize. This is my fault. I screwed up. You gotta do what you gotta do. I just don’t understand it. I measured carefully and I usually don’t mess up like this. Thank God there weren’t any other cars around. There is at least $20,000 in damage to the equipment and I don’t even want to think about the damage to that old bridge.”
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
This story happened back in the early 1970s when he was much younger and my father-in-law would never dream about doing this now.
He was on a job site near a swamp where an alligator was hanging out. My father-in-law always had pets of all kinds and loved to feed anything that came near him. He would bring extra lunch and raw chicken for this almost two-foot-long alligator. This alligator was the darling of the crew and everyone really loved seeing him.
Also on this job site was a thief. My father-in-law would gladly lend out his expensive tools or even give them away to those who really needed them. Apparently, someone on the job site decided to just break into his truck and take the tools without asking and never returned them. My father-in-law bought a new lock and later came back to the truck to find it broken off and another expensive tool gone. This really ticked him off, so he decided to make sure that thief never did it again.
First, my father-in-law backed his truck up in front of a briar patch — very prickly thorny bushes that you don’t want to get into. Next, he went and found the alligator, put him in the back of his truck along with some chicken, and then closed the door.
It took but two hours before the crew heard yelling and screaming from the parking area. They came running and found a very scared and scratched-up man in the bushes and an angry alligator coming out of the back of the truck. The alligator walked back to the swamp, hissing at the thief along the way. The thief, knowing he got caught and looking quite ashamed of himself, went off to get some bandaids for his scratches. There was never any talk about it, but nothing was ever stolen again from anyone on the site.
This story is really about a gentleman that worked for my father-in-law.
Like many construction jobs, the one where this took place needed someone who was a demolitions expert in order to blow up some huge boulders that were in the way of a planned road and bridge. My father-in-law had a friend who served with him in Vietnam who was one of the best. He knew how to set the explosives to blow up the boulders in the safest way possible and the exact amount needed to do it on the first try.
My father-in-law walked into the explosives shed to let his buddy know the site was cleared and ready for him to put out the C4 — an explosive that has the consistency of Play-Doh. On the desk was what looked like clay formed in the shape of animals like bears, cats, and dogs.
Father-In-Law: “Ummm, [Friend], why have you molded the explosives in the shapes of animals?”
Friend: In monotone “It helps me deal.”
My father-in-law backed out of the shed and never went back in for the rest of the job. He never said anything else because the guy was great at what he did and had a perfect safety record. But every time something was blown up, my father-in-law couldn’t help but laugh a bit.
Some years ago, we were sitting on our back porch having a cookout and talking. My husband mentioned that I had gotten my first ever speeding ticket at the ripe ol’ age of twenty-seven. My father-in-law looked surprised.
Father-In-Law: “Really, [My Name]? You’re usually such a good driver.”
Me: “Well, they just changed the speed limit on the road from fifty-five to thirty-five last week. I forgot and they clocked me doing fifty-seven. It’s my fault for not paying attention. I am not sure how this is going to work in court since I have never had a speeding ticket before.”
Husband: “I told her she should plead not guilty.”
Me: “But that would be a lie. I am guilty. While it wasn’t on purpose, I was still breaking the law.”
Father-In-Law: “No, I agree. Tell the truth. Don’t lie; explain it. The judge might be in a good mood and give you a reduced fine.”
Husband: “Hey, Dad, tell her about your speeding ticket in Georgia.”
[Father-In-Law] told us about how he was going down a highway some years ago in Georgia when an officer pulled him over and gave him a ticket. [Father-In-Law] said he didn’t think he was going over the speed limit but it was kind of fascinating because the officer had a radar gun. This was in the 1980s when these were kind of new in rural areas. [Father-In-Law] had never seen one, and the officer was kind of proud of it and more than happy to show it off to my father-in-law.
When they went to court, [Father-In-Law] started noticing something interesting. The first five people called up were all clocked at sixty-seven mph by that cop on the same road on the same day.
When they called [Father-In-Law] up:
Father-In-Law: “Your honor, I mean no disrespect, but before I enter a plea, I am asserting my right to see the evidence. I want to see this officer’s proof of training on this piece of equipment, as well as the paperwork of the last time it was calibrated.”
This story is actually about the man my father-in-law went to work for when he first started working in construction decades ago. We’ll call him Dave. My father-in-law said this older man taught him everything he knew about construction. Dave was smart, a hard worker, and tough as nails.
One day, Dave fell off a ladder and heard a sickening crack in his arm. My father-in-law could see that Dave’s arm was broken, but thankfully, the skin was not broken. Dave went to the site boss and told him he’d broken his arm. The boss said he could leave for the hospital but Dave wouldn’t get paid for the day.
Dave told my father-in-law to run to his car and get an old shirt and a roll of duct tape. I won’t describe here what Dave did because it is not a wise thing to do. Anyway, with some… pulling and help from my father-in-law, he got the bone reset. Dave then cut off the sleeve of the old shirt and put it over the broken arm. With my father-in-law’s help, he duct-taped a piece of wood to the arm and went back to work.
After they got off of work that evening, Dave asked my father-in-law to drive him to the hospital. They walked into the emergency room. After taking most of his information, the nurse asked:
Nurse: “Is that really duct tape around your arm?”
Dave: “Yes.”
The nurse ran and got the doctor, who immediately got him into the X-ray.
Doctor: “Well, Dave, it’s really broken. But you did a great job setting it. I don’t think I could have done better. We are going to put a new cast on it, but I have to ask why you didn’t come in earlier. Why did you wait to come in?”
Dave: “If I had come in, I wouldn’t have gotten paid. I’m poor. My family needs this paycheck to eat.”
They put a new cast on it. The doctor made sure there was no bill. The next day, Dave showed up on the job site and went to work, even using a hammer with the broken arm.
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really trusts him, although they have questioned his actions on a few occasions. This is a story of one of those times.
boss had him go across state lines to bid on a job. [Father-In-Law] really didn’t want to because it was a two-and-a-half-hour ride that he knew would be rough on the men in his crew. He got down there as the State representative for the Department of Transit was going over the job. Apparently, the job was partially completed. It was a rather long stretch of a new highway connecting two other highways. The problem was that the previous contractor had started the project at both ends with the plan to meet in the middle. Yeah, you already see where this is heading. They didn’t plan well, and the ends were at least a mile apart. So, instead of doing the right thing and fixing the problem, the company decided that since the state foolishly paid fully upfront, they would go out of business, thus providing no way for the state to get the money back.
The State representative made it clear that this job had to be done quickly. Some big politician had made this highway a big part of his campaign, and now his reputation was on the line. The representative said that whoever got this job had to complete it in thirty days.
Father-In-Law: “Excuse me, sir. This job won’t take thirty days. It will—”
At this point, the representative went on a cussing tirade that he knew what he was talking about and it WOULD take thirty days and that was all there is to it because they had to redo over twenty miles of the road.
And some Aunty like you, grow to be a Welwitschia. The Welwitschia pretty much looks like a heap of garden refuse dumped in the middle of the Namib Desert. Beneath the stony ground, a vast root system sucks up every last drop of water, or in your case booze.
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Stings
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction. The company he has worked for for several decades really values him and has offered him numerous promotions but he won’t take them. He prefers running the big equipment and not being responsible for idiots — his words. Unfortunately, every so often they hire some new young supervisor for a job who thinks that, because they have some fancy college education and an expensive shirt and tie, they know more than anyone else.
One day, they are clearing land for a road. My father-in-law is operating a closed cab backhoe. It’s not common to see a closed cab but it essentially surrounds the operator in glass to protect them from brush and such as they are moving through an undeveloped area.
He comes upon a tree that needs to be knocked down and realizes that it is hollow. Looking upward, he sees what looks to be liquid flowing down. My father-in-law knows that means a mighty big beehive. He also knows what will happen if anyone so much as touches that tree. He shuts down the backhoe and climbs out to take a better look to decide the best course of action.
The new supervisor comes stomping over.
Supervisor: Shouting “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”
Father-In-Law: “The tree is hollow. You can see up there…”
Supervisor: Cutting him off “I don’t give a d***. Get in there and get to it!”
Father-In-Law: “But you don’t understand. If I touch that tree…”
Supervisor: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I DON’T UNDERSTAND?! I will have you know that I have far more education than you! Now get your stupid, uneducated a** back in that cab, you old f***, and KNOCK DOWN THAT TREE!”
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Stings, Part 2
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
The construction company teams up with another company to do a very big and lucrative highway job. My father-in-law has a lot of experience with repairing big machines, so they send him to the site to work on the big and incredibly expensive machines.
The mechanic from the other company, for some unknown reason, takes great offense that my father-in-law was put in charge and is just a jerk the whole time; he argues with him every chance he gets, even over things as simple as putting the correct type of oil in the machinery.
My father-in-law gets a call and has to go home for a family emergency. He instructs the mechanic and the helpers from the other company that he is in the middle of changing the oil on a piece of equipment and asks them to finish it.
He gets an urgent call the next day to come in to the job site, which he quickly does. In the office, the owners of the construction company and some big wigs from the other company are arguing, with the other mechanic sitting in the corner with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face. Apparently, the piece of equipment’s engine froze, which resulted in something worth several hundreds of thousands of dollars being worth nothing but scrap. The company blames my father-in-law because he was working on it, and they are demanding that the construction company replace it.
My father-in-law figures out what happened pretty quickly. He tells them he will be right back, and he returns with a box and a scared-looking helper. He dumps out the box of parts onto the table. They are bluish in color, which is what happens to engine parts when they are run without oil. He gives the poor helper an angry look and growls, “Tell them!”
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Stings, Part 3
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
My father-in-law is tasked with transporting a rather large piece of construction equipment to another part of the state down an old highway. It has to be loaded on a heavy-duty tractor-trailer; it’s huge, tall, wide, and expensive. My father-in-law prefers traveling late at night where there isn’t as much traffic and there’s a lower chance of ending up in an accident. Because of the size, he is required to contact the state Department of Transit (DOT) and get permission to go down the highway so as to make sure it can safely pass under the bridges on the way. My father-in-law takes time to measure the height and width at least three times.
So, he starts off. About four hours in, around 2:00 am, he comes upon one of the lowest bridges on the route. The bridge has a sign on it saying the height is 13’6″, which is about 6″ higher than the equipment he is hauling. He knows it is going to be a tight fit but feels confident he will make it. You already know what happens. Yep, he crashes right into the bridge. He calls the state police who show up with a DOT inspector, who just happens to be an old friend of my father-in-law.
Inspector: “Man, [Father-In-Law], you did a number on that old bridge. I am awfully sorry, but I am going to have to hit you with a number of fines and this could affect your license.”
Father-In-Law: “No, no, don’t apologize. This is my fault. I screwed up. You gotta do what you gotta do. I just don’t understand it. I measured carefully and I usually don’t mess up like this. Thank God there weren’t any other cars around. There is at least $20,000 in damage to the equipment and I don’t even want to think about the damage to that old bridge.”
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Bites
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really values him.
This story happened back in the early 1970s when he was much younger and my father-in-law would never dream about doing this now.
He was on a job site near a swamp where an alligator was hanging out. My father-in-law always had pets of all kinds and loved to feed anything that came near him. He would bring extra lunch and raw chicken for this almost two-foot-long alligator. This alligator was the darling of the crew and everyone really loved seeing him.
Also on this job site was a thief. My father-in-law would gladly lend out his expensive tools or even give them away to those who really needed them. Apparently, someone on the job site decided to just break into his truck and take the tools without asking and never returned them. My father-in-law bought a new lock and later came back to the truck to find it broken off and another expensive tool gone. This really ticked him off, so he decided to make sure that thief never did it again.
First, my father-in-law backed his truck up in front of a briar patch — very prickly thorny bushes that you don’t want to get into. Next, he went and found the alligator, put him in the back of his truck along with some chicken, and then closed the door.
It took but two hours before the crew heard yelling and screaming from the parking area. They came running and found a very scared and scratched-up man in the bushes and an angry alligator coming out of the back of the truck. The alligator walked back to the swamp, hissing at the thief along the way. The thief, knowing he got caught and looking quite ashamed of himself, went off to get some bandaids for his scratches. There was never any talk about it, but nothing was ever stolen again from anyone on the site.
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Blows
This story is really about a gentleman that worked for my father-in-law.
Like many construction jobs, the one where this took place needed someone who was a demolitions expert in order to blow up some huge boulders that were in the way of a planned road and bridge. My father-in-law had a friend who served with him in Vietnam who was one of the best. He knew how to set the explosives to blow up the boulders in the safest way possible and the exact amount needed to do it on the first try.
My father-in-law walked into the explosives shed to let his buddy know the site was cleared and ready for him to put out the C4 — an explosive that has the consistency of Play-Doh. On the desk was what looked like clay formed in the shape of animals like bears, cats, and dogs.
Father-In-Law: “Ummm, [Friend], why have you molded the explosives in the shapes of animals?”
Friend: In monotone “It helps me deal.”
My father-in-law backed out of the shed and never went back in for the rest of the job. He never said anything else because the guy was great at what he did and had a perfect safety record. But every time something was blown up, my father-in-law couldn’t help but laugh a bit.
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Speeds
Some years ago, we were sitting on our back porch having a cookout and talking. My husband mentioned that I had gotten my first ever speeding ticket at the ripe ol’ age of twenty-seven. My father-in-law looked surprised.
Father-In-Law: “Really, [My Name]? You’re usually such a good driver.”
Me: “Well, they just changed the speed limit on the road from fifty-five to thirty-five last week. I forgot and they clocked me doing fifty-seven. It’s my fault for not paying attention. I am not sure how this is going to work in court since I have never had a speeding ticket before.”
Husband: “I told her she should plead not guilty.”
Me: “But that would be a lie. I am guilty. While it wasn’t on purpose, I was still breaking the law.”
Father-In-Law: “No, I agree. Tell the truth. Don’t lie; explain it. The judge might be in a good mood and give you a reduced fine.”
Husband: “Hey, Dad, tell her about your speeding ticket in Georgia.”
[Father-In-Law] told us about how he was going down a highway some years ago in Georgia when an officer pulled him over and gave him a ticket. [Father-In-Law] said he didn’t think he was going over the speed limit but it was kind of fascinating because the officer had a radar gun. This was in the 1980s when these were kind of new in rural areas. [Father-In-Law] had never seen one, and the officer was kind of proud of it and more than happy to show it off to my father-in-law.
When they went to court, [Father-In-Law] started noticing something interesting. The first five people called up were all clocked at sixty-seven mph by that cop on the same road on the same day.
When they called [Father-In-Law] up:
Father-In-Law: “Your honor, I mean no disrespect, but before I enter a plea, I am asserting my right to see the evidence. I want to see this officer’s proof of training on this piece of equipment, as well as the paperwork of the last time it was calibrated.”
The judge was less than pleased.
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really HURTS
This story is actually about the man my father-in-law went to work for when he first started working in construction decades ago. We’ll call him Dave. My father-in-law said this older man taught him everything he knew about construction. Dave was smart, a hard worker, and tough as nails.
One day, Dave fell off a ladder and heard a sickening crack in his arm. My father-in-law could see that Dave’s arm was broken, but thankfully, the skin was not broken. Dave went to the site boss and told him he’d broken his arm. The boss said he could leave for the hospital but Dave wouldn’t get paid for the day.
Dave told my father-in-law to run to his car and get an old shirt and a roll of duct tape. I won’t describe here what Dave did because it is not a wise thing to do. Anyway, with some… pulling and help from my father-in-law, he got the bone reset. Dave then cut off the sleeve of the old shirt and put it over the broken arm. With my father-in-law’s help, he duct-taped a piece of wood to the arm and went back to work.
After they got off of work that evening, Dave asked my father-in-law to drive him to the hospital. They walked into the emergency room. After taking most of his information, the nurse asked:
Nurse: “Is that really duct tape around your arm?”
Dave: “Yes.”
The nurse ran and got the doctor, who immediately got him into the X-ray.
Doctor: “Well, Dave, it’s really broken. But you did a great job setting it. I don’t think I could have done better. We are going to put a new cast on it, but I have to ask why you didn’t come in earlier. Why did you wait to come in?”
Dave: “If I had come in, I wouldn’t have gotten paid. I’m poor. My family needs this paycheck to eat.”
They put a new cast on it. The doctor made sure there was no bill. The next day, Dave showed up on the job site and went to work, even using a hammer with the broken arm.
(Contd)
Yakety Sax 3 days ago
This Lesson Really Breaks The Bank
My father-in-law is a pretty smart man, especially when it comes to anything construction, and the company he has worked with for several decades really trusts him, although they have questioned his actions on a few occasions. This is a story of one of those times.
boss had him go across state lines to bid on a job. [Father-In-Law] really didn’t want to because it was a two-and-a-half-hour ride that he knew would be rough on the men in his crew. He got down there as the State representative for the Department of Transit was going over the job. Apparently, the job was partially completed. It was a rather long stretch of a new highway connecting two other highways. The problem was that the previous contractor had started the project at both ends with the plan to meet in the middle. Yeah, you already see where this is heading. They didn’t plan well, and the ends were at least a mile apart. So, instead of doing the right thing and fixing the problem, the company decided that since the state foolishly paid fully upfront, they would go out of business, thus providing no way for the state to get the money back.The State representative made it clear that this job had to be done quickly. Some big politician had made this highway a big part of his campaign, and now his reputation was on the line. The representative said that whoever got this job had to complete it in thirty days.
Father-In-Law: “Excuse me, sir. This job won’t take thirty days. It will—”
At this point, the representative went on a cussing tirade that he knew what he was talking about and it WOULD take thirty days and that was all there is to it because they had to redo over twenty miles of the road.
(Contd)
rekam Premium Member 3 days ago
Thsnks for all of these, Yakety.
TStyle78 3 days ago
And some never do…
blunebottle 3 days ago
Yakety sure is yakety.
FreyjaRN Premium Member 3 days ago
Some never grow up.
PraiseofFolly 3 days ago
And some people are like prickly weeds and crabgrass that quickly take over and are hard to get rid of.
ladykat 3 days ago
Absolutely right, Aunty!
ChessPirate 3 days ago
[Father-In-Law] is the Paul Bunyan of Construction! ☺
rockyridge1977 3 days ago
……..environment???
Daltongang Premium Member 3 days ago
And some Aunty like you, grow to be a Welwitschia. The Welwitschia pretty much looks like a heap of garden refuse dumped in the middle of the Namib Desert. Beneath the stony ground, a vast root system sucks up every last drop of water, or in your case booze.
pheets 3 days ago
and with less intellect..
dbrucepm 3 days ago
I don’t want to be a vine because vines grow up. Paul James
Bruce1253 3 days ago
“The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.”
cuzinron47 3 days ago
With similar mental capacity.
Katzi428 3 days ago
Yep Aunty…this is true!!
dflak 3 days ago
Some plants grow very slow, but they can live for hundreds of years.
mistercatworks 3 days ago
Oooooookay. Plants don’t live long enough to take forever to grow up.
NolaMan 3 days ago
I dont want to grow up, Im a toys ’r us kid
Vegetable Patch 62/-46 3 days ago
Actually. potato plants do more good in the portion that grows down.