Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for December 10, 2024

I have to say, Batiuk is certainly going through his “Dinkle Conducts a High School Band and Is Displeased with Their Performance” joke file like he’s never used them before.

“I have to say…A fish rots from the head down! My incompetence is YOUR fault, let me build your confidence by beating you with this tire iron.” Maybe shoulda stayed with the industrial arts teacher. He was gonna be worse than Hairy Dinkleberry? HOW?

Remember, kids—Dinkles is one of Tom’s many avatars. We’re supposed to LIKE this goon.

I want to see these kids re-enact the Defenestration of Prague (I know, there were several, but we’re all thinking of the one that involved an open window two stories above a manure pile. Dinky would come up smelling like a freshly-fertilized rose.)

“He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.”

Wow. Second verse, same as the first?

Wait—Dingleberry went deaf. Then, umm, got better somehow. Maybe now everything sounds like garbage to him? Maybe hiring him to conduct is like hiring a red/green colorblind person to design traffic lights.

Then do something about it, cream puff.

Harry made a great tactful statement for this bunch of noisemakers.

I thought Dingle’s comment was dry, diplomatic humor.

They are playing with love, enthusiasm and conviction.

Meanwhile down at the Dale Evans …

Ed: “I seem to have froze more zucchini that I can use. Do you guys want some?”

I always look forward to reading “Funky Winkerbean” every morning.

never been deader will have a new storyline before this is ever funny

SS……subtle sarcasm!!!!!………maybe Crank will make it driving the school bus in the parade????

Another chapter from “How They Killed Christmas “.

I’m dreaming of a noisy Christmas…now please excuse me while I go……

From the “Beating a Dead Horse” Department: Another day of Dinkle relentlessly criticizing the students. Wash, rinse, repeat. Honk shoo.

I’m sure conducting an orchestra of students involves more than just telling them they sound terrible. Perhaps Dinkle should consider a different approach, like actually teaching?

Okay – time to break out the electronic tuner…

It’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools. Dinkless is out of touch with contemporary students and needs to call Becky for help. Only Ol’ Lefty can save the Centerville Holiday Concert. Of course, Batyuk, the self-proclaimed "storyteller,” would never think of writing anything like that. Instead tomorrow: Day 5: Dinkless whines about the band’s performance.

Scenes we’d like to see: The Centerville high students have had enough of Dinkless’ abuse. He is strapped to the roof of a car like a Christmas tree, driven back to Westview and unceremoniously tossed into the city dump.

Let’s view this from the student’s perspective for a moment:

Their regular Band Director goes out on emergency leave and the Industrial Design teacher steps up to take his spot. Now, its a challenge for the kids – working with someone who presumably has enough of a background that the district trusts them to wrap up the semester and even keep the band’s concert on the schedule, but probably hasn’t done anything like this before. So they work with this teacher and don’t really get better – routine, the knowledge, everything is missing, but heck they do their best.

Then, randomly, one day a very old man whom they may know (but probably don’t) as some guy who is part of a church choir shows up a week before the pageant, the industrial arts teacher, who was probably throwing everything they had into this, is kicked to the curb, and then this old man alternates between screaming at them and making vicious sarcastic insults.

What is wrong with Batty that he thinks Dinkle should be considered anything other than a horrible monster who would have (justly) been fired 8 minutes into this farce?

Where is Crankshaft?

I’m imagining how their version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer sounds.