Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 23, 2024

I was just on X and there was a comment showing both trump and rfk jr, it said a brainworm would starve to death if it tried to eat both their brains!

Which is ironic in a way; because dugongs are not very good with percentages.

Actually, I looked this up. For humans, the average brain weighs 3 lbs, with an average total weight of 200 lbs. So that’s just 1½ percent. Whoever wrote that BION isn’t much smarter than the dugong!

Not the newlyweds, it’s the ones who make up the rules that are full of sh!t.

Newlyweds

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”

The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?”

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?”

He says: “What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?”

Another few days go by, and it’s raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?”

He says, “What do I look like, Bob Vila?”

The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing and the car. He asks his wife what happened. “Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them,” she says.

“Great! How much is that going to cost me?” he snarls.

Wife says: “Nothing.” He said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."

“Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?” asks the husband.

“What do I look like,” she says, “Betty Crocker?”

When I worked at a resort hotel, they told us not to give directions while pointing with our index finger, but to use your whole, open hand. Many people are offended by the pointing index finger.

Sounds like they’re full of $h!t down there in Borneo. I mean, what the hell?

The people of Brunei are excellent hitchhikers.

In humans, it is 2%, slightly less every year.

The Dugong is not unique. I know people like that.

Depends…if none then the men tie their dongs and the women go anywhere but the bathroom…

I won’t be taking lessons in politeness from a society that believes death by stoning is an acceptable response to anything. I’ve got a finger for them, and it’s not the index.

OK, that bottom one has got to be the biggest load of horse manure. Nobody can hold it for three whole days! They’ll defecate all over themselves. And then they’re gonna want a divorce.

dugong’s brain still more than most politicians

After three days straight, the Tidong couples will have grounds for divorce.

In Brunei, the cool people point with their thumb and say AYYYY!

I guess that’s one way to ensure that no one takes marriage lightly.

The Prime Dugong lives at Mara Lago …Right?

My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.

So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said “I’m communing with your father.”

Then she smiled, so I punched her.

“What did you do that for?!” she demanded, shocked.

“It’s what my dad would have wanted,” I told her. “He always said it’s important to strike a happy medium.”

Those newlyweds should be crossing their legs at their thighs!

When I was on R&R from Nam in ‘69, Bangkok had a lot of “rules” of what wasn’t polite. But I was told, if I listened to their rules, I wouldn’t have any fun.