Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for March 25, 2025

I make an illegal turn therefore I am pulled over.

Immanuel Kant was a real pss-ant who was very rarely stable.Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. ..

David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ‘ya ’bout the raising of the wrist.Socrates, himself, was permanently pssed.John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.And René Descartes was a drunken fart:“I drink, therefore I am.”Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pssed.

- The Philosopher’s Drinking Song! (Monty Python)

Don’t answer that, ever. They are wise in this respect.

You forget why you pulled them over officer or you hoping they will confess a crime you knew nothing about

He couldn’t pull them under.

Finally I understand why Vizzini from “The Princess Bride” dunked on these guys.

Now this is a problem…

Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are traveling in a car.

They get pulled over by a police officer. Heisenberg is driving. The cop asks, ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’

‘No, but I know exactly where I am,’ Heisenberg replies.

The cop says, ‘you were doing 55 in a 35.’ Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, ‘Great! Now, I’m lost.’

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop the trunk. He checks it out and says, ‘Do you know you have a dead cat back here?’

‘We do now, idiot!’ shouts Schroedinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

They also do not know why the chicken crossed the road.

Never answer that question.

Driving without a license?

They are looking for Diogenes.

Actually Descartes isn’t there; they lost Descartes when de trailer hitch broke.

Guys in the car: you don’t know either?

The why is within you officer.

“Philosophy doesn’t contribute anything to our understanding of the natural world.” (Neil Degrass Tyson)

“Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box, religion is the smile on a dog” (Edie Brickell)

Morons!

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car. A cop pulls them over.

Cop: “Do you know how fast you were going?”Heisenberg: “No, but I know where I am.”Cop: “You were doing 55 in a 35 zone.”Heisenberg: “Great! Now I’m lost!”

Cop is suspicious and orders Heisenberg to open the trunk.

Cop: “Do you know there’s a dead cat in there?”Schrodinger: “There is now, jerk!”

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

‘We were intending on pulling over at this exact spot. (Bunch of old men who need to use the little philosopher’s bush.)

There were pulled over because Rene put De Carte before the De horse

I’m pretty sure none of them have a driver’s license.

Driving under the influence of hemlock.

“Why NO, Officer! I thought YOU would know that!”

Freud could give him an earful.

The car must be registered to Descartes, the license plate reads “ ITT4IAM”.

I haven’t heard this one in a loooong time. Did Calvin know Hobbs was a drunk?

Nah, ya need Marcus Aurelius for that ! ;-)

Sigmund Freud’s response…, I don’t know, why don’t you ask your mother?

If they’d had Zeno in the car, he would tell the cop that they couldn’t have been speeding, because motion is an illusion.

It’s a paradox…..

Officer, if you don’t know, how can you expect us to know? Do we look like police officers?

Officer what am I supposed to do with this ticket? Officer: Keep it, when you get 4 of them you get a bicycle. – old joke but still funny,

“Officer, it’s all Greek to me!”

Autographs and photos! Hair samples too, if possible!