Cornered by Mike Baldwin for December 21, 2024

“Post mortem catharsis.”

Can we go now?

“What’s the number of the safety deposit box?”

Political funeral?

Thank you for calling on me…

… what time is the estate settlement and probate process?

I just want everyone to know that I finally paid him back the money I owed him. I wrote him a check for the full amount and placed it in the coffin.

Hurry it along, the guest of honor is beginning to stink.

At this point there is only one question to be answered….Heaven or Hell?

We all get about the same……..one day in the paper and one hour in church………this guy mite get two!!!!!!!!!

And Homer’s question was, What’s in the box?…

The deceased left a lot of questions unanswered when he died….so they honored him with a session at the wake.

I going to record my own eulogy. It’s going to be my two favorite R-rated “A guy walks into a bar …” jokes.

burial to follow…

And now for the rebuttal, I give you Mrs. Cadaver.

Just think he waited all his life to legally run a red light.

Brevity is the soul of homiletics:

Tell ‘em what you’re gonna tell ’em.

Tell ’em.

And then tell ’em what you told ’em.

Amen.

8 min. Max.

“Is his wife dating yet?”

He’s definitely gone to a better place.

First question, who was that?

“What’s his Netflix password?”

Is there food at the reception?

I have to go pee.

“if anyone objects to this eulogy, let them speak now or forever hold their peace!”