Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for November 01, 2024

Joke might work better if the pizza wasn’t covered in urine.

Hey, what’s the Pizza Box Monster made of, anyway? Is it boxes of pizza? Because there’s like no boxes that have “PIZZA” written on them—Oooh, I get it now! Sorry, but it is subtle.

Anyone who’s read “Dracula” knows that the Count is repelled by garlic. So now we know that Montoni’s is too incompetent to include garlic in its pizzas. Probably the box tastes better than the product, which would explain the PBM’s fear.

Dracula: undead, but still livelier than a Funkyverse character.

TOMORROW: PBM vs the DALEKS and GODZILLA and TONY Montoni (who is now the ROBOCOP PREDATOR TERMINATOR TRON) after they burst through the FUNKYVERSE BARRIER and also that one Teletubbie who kinda weirded me out you know the one, and WHY when you crank a Jack-in-the-Box it plays Pop Goes the Weasel, but then a weasel never pops up? Oh, sorry, this strip is SO FASCINATING that I forgot what I was talking abou—SQUIRREL!!!!

Great. Now Batiuk is stealing his “jokes” from those South of the Border billboards along I-95 (search out “South of Border Never Sausage a Place”).

Double garlic pizza

One of these days I hope these will be upright again so I can read them. Perhaps they need to have Wiley show them how it’s done.

Silence is golden.

Tom and Dan had too much last week and are laying on the floor when they did this week’s strips.

I’m waiting for PBM vs. Mega PBM.

OWWWW! Me can’t bear this neck pains no more.

By end of week everyone will need services of Count Doc-ula. Expert neck surgeon.

It’s like a car crash video. You know it’s not going to be pretty, but you just can’t resist watching.

NO!! When will this arc end??

No “like” again today.

The Pizza Monster used to be elusive and rare, He’s hung out with them all night. Doesn’t at least one of them recognize his voice?

Sheriff Jack Smith walked the streets of his town, the weight of what had passed heavy on his shoulders. The evil politician was gone, crushed under the force of his own malice, but his legacy lingered, coiled like smoke in the hearts of men. Hatred, once stirred, does not die easily. It twists and breeds in the dark, waiting for another voice to call it forth, another leader to give it purpose.

Jack knew this truth too well. It was never about just one man; it was about the sickness he’d spread, the poison that had seeped into the soil, making neighbors into enemies, dividing families, turning kin against kin. He looked at his town—the quiet streets, the empty storefronts, the people who once shared a bond now haunted by suspicion and anger. Jack wondered how it had come to this, how simple folk could be led so far astray by shadows and lies.

He paused, taking a deep breath of the cool night air, and thought of what lay ahead. An election loomed—a choice, a chance for the people to reclaim their dignity, to rise above the pettiness and fear that had clouded their hearts. He knew he couldn’t enforce compassion, couldn’t make people see sense. The goodness of a place had to be nurtured from within, born of a willingness to understand, to forgive, to seek the common ground that lay buried beneath the noise.

In that stillness, Jack felt a flicker of hope. He thought of those who would stand with him, those who believed in decency, in fairness, in the simple truth that democracy is more than voting; it’s the courage to care for one another. This election was a crossroads, a chance to choose unity over division, love over hate.

As he walked on, he felt a quiet resolve. They would choose, all of them. And maybe, just maybe, they would choose wisely. For this was America, a place meant for the free and the brave, a land where every soul had a stake in tomorrow. And with faith in that, Jack knew they could build something stronger than hate.

I didn’t think discussion of Pizza BM’s “sausage action” would be considered appropriate for a family comic. Or is this an homage to those Japanese komix that got DSH John in trouble before the hostile takeover?

Tom’s “creativity” is not limited by the calendar, I see.

warning if you are a pencil neck geek this comic can hurt

i told my pet giraffe not to read this good thing i have pet insurance

I thought Halloween was over??

Tomorrow—-THE KILLER SHREWS

one more of these sideway strips and I’m unfollowing it. CAN"T READ THEM~ CAN"T TURN THE TV ON IT"S SIDE!

Batty, if you’re all out of ideas (which…clearly…), I have one for you: go back to making Crankshaft. There’s a reason it was the more popular comic and a reason it wasn’t cancelled like Funky Winkerbean. Get back into that cadence of seasons and comfort jokes that people open the comics for.

Ok this is my final Cranky Shaft. Taking it off my comics list. Sick of having turn my head 90 degrees to read this lame crap.