Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 10, 2017

Shocking.

pfpfpft!

Everybody knows snap and vim come from elasticity of the body.

Try my New© Latex Power Formula®!

Pair with a Radium tonic and feel an all-day glow!

Good thing you did not say your tonic was New©, as I have copyrighted that word. I’m working on getting a patent on multiple exclamation points, too!!!

An improvement to the electric belt, with a “suspensory attachment”, to apply current “directly to the centres of nervous strength”, to remedy “nervous energy which has been wasted”? Dr. Sanden, what a farrago of euphemism!

This quackpot theory has resurrected itself in the guise of “the Electric Universe.”

Up the voltage.

Comes with a charger, presumably, like my iPhone.

When Tesla read this, he recoiled in horror…

Huh, BROADWAY production!

Okay. I’ll play along.

1.   Snap and Vim – weren’t they 2 of the 7 dwarves?

2.   Nerve Force – a straight to video Chuck Norris movie about an elite Seal Team 6 member with anxiety disorders.

3.   Business Push – an inside joke among non suicidal survivors of the ‘29 Crash.

4.   Strength and Energy – the name Bill Cosby considered but rejected for his “little pills.”

5.   Health and Vigor – …. [crickets] …. (I got nuthin’)

NOW, YOU, TOO CAN GO AC/DC!!

Finally revealed… the secret to the all powerful Herculex, the second son of Zeus and Hera… stronger than Hercules, wiser than Zeus or Hera… yet he needed to recharge his batteries from time to time.

Will the belt wrap around varied parts on the body?

You have established an excellent sales pitch, doc..

I got the Vim and Vigor concession down at the flea market.

When I was young and fresh and ruddy, and full of snap and vim, my parents used to make me study until my head would swim. Uncle Walt

I got a real charge out of this ad but I wasn’t shocked by watt I’d call ample input from the AC/DC pluggers.

Human bodies emit photons. What’s more, they do so in a pattern that repeats itself every day. You’re shooting light from your face, …

The human body literally glimmers. The intensity of the light emitted by the body is 1000 times lower than the sensitivity of our naked eyes.

At the bottom of his ad the good doctor invited us to drop by his office. He didn’t mention if there would be food there, but if we all show up at once he might be persuaded to have something delivered. I’m sure he’s still alive. After all, if he’s been using his own belt he’s sure to be full of snap, crackle and vim (Rice Crispies!).

If a woman tried to wear the belt, did she start growing a mustache later? She probably didn’t need to, she just wrapped the faulty vacuum cleaner cord with live wires exposed and got her own business push.

Just for fun, I looked up the address. Places there include a weight loss business and something called the Hair Factory but the main thing is a hotel. And I looked him up and the Doc did exist but Teresa’s ad is better than any of his.

Is there a suppository version?

Mr. Adam West as Sir Batman RIP

Trumpee is filled with nerve force, he gets on my every nerve.

OMG! “Manly Strength” emanating electrically from an office on Broadway in NYC?

If there is Truth in Advertising, it follows that we must commit ourselves to acquiring more ELECTRICITY. And since the Dr. Sanden Electric Belt is now superseded by the Herculex Body Battery we must recharge and Man Up to the new imperative! —Otherwise, we shall be mere “frogs around a pond” and at the mercy of our revered Sister Teresa.

—Which may be Manly enough for the Lame at heart….

Kushner’s 666 5th Ave is filled with the satanic force of capitalism.

Kushey wants to make it 666 feet tall, someone should investigate the Trump families ties to the dark side.

What happened to my earlier pun about electricity? Was it no longer current? How was it discharged? Did Gocomics resist it? Or is my belief that I’m a live wire no longer grounded in reality?