Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for January 31, 2022

Apparently, I should trim my mustache or wear a P2 mask at all times.

Wow man the two rocks on. A perfect one is a too big for a human and meant for God.

Lip, Lip, Lip to my Sue, two lips to you my darling.

Wow. I’d never before thought of that on a scale. It goes from ‘froggy’ to ‘kiss me.’

Don’t worry baby; I’m a solid ten, but I don’t consider myself to be out of your league.

I’m actually a 4 on the Bristol Stool Chart.

:-(

https://depts.washington.edu/fasdpn/htmls/lip-philtrum-guides.htm

If it exists, there is a specific group intent on studying it, quantifying it, and creating a standardized scale for it.

Isn’t there a number for “severely normal”?

Gladys! That creepy guy over there keeps staring at my philtrum.

…Timmy of Timmy and The Underwelts wears a fish hook in his philtrum…

…and they sing a sic Sweet Caroline…

…and an awesome version of Tusk…

…they give lip service to being original but cover more songs than mustaches cover lips…

…all day all night Maryanne…

… Why miss Murgatroyed you’re beautiful…

…billion dollar babies…

…Jolene…

…boom boom out go the lights…

Quick, convene the book club so we can compare and assign lip philtrum values on Zoom. It’ll be fun and vicious!

Readers Note: The lip-philtrum guide was developed many years before labial collagen injections became popular.

Oooh. This is groovy!

Like,how groovy are your lips, baby?

Kiss me you fool,but don’t fall into my philtrum…

All you fives just remember: carry on and keep a stiff upper lip.

Could be a Ball Room Blitzed measurement.

Is there a guide for measuring the degree of hollowness of armpits …? (asking for a friend who enjoys making fart noises by employing various body parts)

I’d be proud too.

Given that the philtrum is the taint of the face, I can’t help but wonder where I fall on the perineum scale.

Hardly ever ask a woman’s philtrum level.

size “extra medium”

As lip-philtrums go, a 2 isn’t bad. But strive for a 1! Always seek perfection!

Your cosmetic surgeon can be your new friend. Do not trust OTC or even By-Prescription-Only drugs to do the job, well and permanently!

I mean, who doesn’t want a perfect lip-philtrum? Surely, it must rank high on everyone’s Personal Priorities list? (Do not ask why I sport mustache and, since the vile virus, beard….)