Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for March 24, 2022

Where is everybody today? Did everyone else approach the flower bed too closely?

Another phase in the historical enmity between the lawn jockey and the (invisible) fairies at the bottom of the garden.

There it is, the opening shot in the War of the Roses!

THERE it is … a muttering Lawn Jockey cannon fodder …!

I’m here. I was just hiding from that cannon.

Yes, we’re peeking out from behind the rocks and the hedgerows. We heard there was an arms buildup, and being highly puncture wound-averse, we tried to maintain our cover. Now, quickly! Pipe down.

That man’s head is bigger than the horse’s head and his butt is probably heavier than the cannon and the horse combined. Poor horse, being forced to haul around Patty, patty, 2 by 4, couldn’t get through the bathroom door…

They’ve upgraded from pistils to grapeshot.

And so … the Invasion of the Lawn Jockeys began with a bang rather than a whimper.

In Larry Niven’s Known Space books there are plants called sunflowers. Unlike the ones that produce the seeds that baseball players eat, they’re extremely tall and semi-mobile. Their blossoms have mirrors that can focus sunlight and burn any competing life forms for miles around.

I am a beautiful and delicate flower!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xmckWVPRaI

Jared from Subway making an escape.

I think you will find tulips to be often armed; always ready for a good tongue lashing. Feet don’t fail me now.

The war of the sexes has reached the flowerbeds! Militant mandrakes are assaulting the womandrakes in their bed; fortunately they’re shooting blanks.

From the Dept. of FA reviews:

Too derivative of Cherilyn Sarkisian

Bang, Bang Maxwell’s Silver hammer, down on his head.

He’s dead but he lost no face.

DOXXED! https://tinyurl.com/FrogApDOX

Tulips. Two bangs. Better get your ass in gear, Fat Rider! Hi ho, Plodder, away!

A-way, a-way, with rum, by gum; with rum, by gum; with r-umm, by Gumm! The song of the Salvation Army!

https://tinyurl.com/y9hrhrhs

Don’t fire until you can see the flare of their mount’s nostrils.

Gotta watch those bellicose tulips!

Gives a whole new meaning to army ants! March on,

The harmy of Juan.

I don’t think I’ll tiptoe through the tulips right now. The gnomes got gnukes!

Ps: Is he riding Horace? Watch out for elevators.