Herman by Jim Unger for August 23, 2020

My GPS stopped saying “Recalculating” after an update several years ago. I miss having it tell me I missed a direction.

Every now and then Google maps says it doesn’t know how to get there. At least it is honest.

Real GPSs don’t ask directions.

If he didn’t always turn the opposite way to the instructions….

I had an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice on my Garmin that proclaimed, after a wrong turn: “Vot are you doink? Why are you not following my instructions?”

My GPS stops giving me directions when I don’t follow it.

It also had a “glitch” – it would sometimes tell me I was 3/4 of a mile away from the intersection while my bumper was ON the intersection.

It’s a wife GPS!

This is why one can always rely on a ROADMAP!

Destination Unknown. Next stop, “The Twilight Zone”.

Guy turns on gps. voice says, don’t bother me. I got a headache

I turned off the audio on my GPS

I soon got rid of the ones that didn’t identify roads and exits. Turn in 500 ft, and you’d come upon two different exits close together. Which was the 500 ft. one?

Why is it the return route is never the same as the initial route?

Here in Puerto Rico, the names of the streets are so lengthy, that the GPS literally takes so long to say the name, that you are practically past the turn off when she finishes speaking. I recently took my girlfriend to the airport in San Juan. It told us to turn on some street that took the GPS about 10 seconds to name. We cracked up.

I just pulled up the directions. Here is one of them: “Keep left to stay on Avenue Jesus T. Pinero/Puente Teodoro Moscoso/ PR-17.”

Spoiler: I’ve told this one a few times

I’ve had q coupla folks tell me that the GPS had them turn right offa 7th street onto State Line Road to get to my ranch. After a mile, State Line dumps into the parking lot of a sleazy biker bar.

You can’t get there from here.

I’m generally happy with my GPS “Delores”. She gives me the route and I follow it creatively to get the scenic route. She calls out Make a U-Turn, until, exasperated, she plots the adjusted course. Once though, she got revenge. I know the best route to Morden, the annual corn and apple festival, was by #3. I let her lead this one time…an odd southern route that got me there, via a rough long dirt road.

A truck driver followed his gps directions fully and got his semi onto a dead-end street. When he attempted to turn around an oak tree limb peeled off part of his trailers side. Me? I drive a smaller box truck and can turn around. I didn’t understand why he didn’t just back out.

Ready, aim, throw under a truck.

Siri doesn’t say “recalculating”. If I miss a turn, “she” just gives me the next direction for getting me back on course. Sometimes I turn a random direction just to have fun.

My GPS messes up just enough so I can’t trust it anymore. Went back to the ‘turn left at the Big Tire’ directions. I never have gotten lost since.

Was out with one of the early ones. It got lost and took me all the way around a block. I outsmarted it though and didn’t let it take me around again. Fool me once shame on you………

Our GPS loves to warn us about “traffic jam ahead” This has happened on lonely highways with not another car in sight. Then it tries to get us to take an alternate route. Once this was obviously a gravel road with a gate across it. Not sure what we’ve done to make it hate us.

“You want to know how to get there…Get off at the Slauson Cut Off, cut off your Slauson, get back in the car…” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twqa9AppfeE

I have a GPS for flying, but it’s backup and extra data that gives it value… I always use the paper charts for navigation.

I have never seen enough value added for GPS while driving. Between street signs and paper maps I can navigate just fine on the ground and when I’m going somewhere I don’t already have a map for I just print a map page from online using my desktop computer before I head out.

The battery never dies and the equipment never fails on hardcopy.

I remember in the early days of GPS. I was taking a trip to ape cave near Mount Adams. It took me on a shortcut. I knocked down a lot of Weeds on that shortcut LOL. Funny how when you get so far into it you just keep on going. I did finally make it.