Herman by Jim Unger for March 12, 2022

You don’t think I’m a ten??

There’s not enough plastic in the world to fix that.

If he’s not careful. He’ll be the one needing plastic surgery.

Try spray paint.

Plastic Surgery costs less than several of the high end skin rejuvenators.

Do they expect flowers for his funeral?

Through good times and . . . this is gonna be a really bad time.

Herman, your smacker qualifies for that same surgery, probably getting a stiffer bill for all the work that needed to be done.

Reason number 76 why I am glad I am not a girl.

I can spend the money I would spend on makeup (That stuff is expensive!) on beer.

Also that’s an additional 15 minutes I can spend in bed in the morning since I don’t have to “put on my face” to get “the natural look.”

Bad question. And the answer will likely be worse.

Isn’t that like putting lipstick on a pig? Asking for a friend…

Stick that lipstick right up that nose!

DEATH WISH

“MURDER AT MACY’S” story at 10.

The only way out for him is if he is a plastic surgeon selling his services.

Pootins mother?

At least you can’t see the rest of her face

He’ll have 7 years of even worse luck when the sales lady smashes the mirror on his head. She is on commission.

Not possible to drink that one a ten.

“Clean up in Aisle 6…and call 911!”

She’s already had plastic surgery, then fell asleep near a heater.

Murder rate about to go up in their town.

Not even that will help…

2 bad ones in a row

“Right back at ya, buddy.”

Will he find it difficult to remove the lipstick from his butt?

It might be easier to cut your losses and just hang out under a bridge.

boy, does he know how to sweet talk a lady

I hope he’s just a (fast-moving) passing stranger, ‘cause if he’s her husband, he’s a dead man.

I suspect he’ll be the one needing surgery. And quite soon, too!