Kliban by B. Kliban for February 06, 2023

Did he fall asleep in front of the toaster?

He’s at peace and one with the universe now: he’s toast.

Why we need a ban on assault toasters!!!

For a ninja assassin, ANYTHING can be weapon. A-plus for creativity! (Using the butterknife was way too easy.)

This toaster was equipped with the same ejection motor as an F-14.

He’s bread, Jim.

What, they don’t have pop-up toasters overseas?

These should not be in civilian hands.

This never would have happened with a bagel.

Always figured toasters should come with warning labels.. “do not place face over toaster”.. while toasting.

Murder by toast.

Revenge

Never look into the hole!

It looks a bit burnt as well.

pfft, my toaster would never do that, light tan or burnt black. Never a even brown.

Russian rye roulette toaster.

I always thought that cutting the crust of bread was silly. But in this case, it might have made a difference.

The sourdough had been planning this for weeks and all his family and friends could express were their thoughts and prayers… :o(