Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 29, 2020

Fear and self-loathing in Northern California.

When Mark Twain was asked that question as a child, his alleged answer was “Happy”

So, Pig’s dream is to become an identity thief?

Who do want to be today?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XxAZCfHnDs

I just want to feel safe.

Like a doctor or lawyer? But they’re smart. So for Pig, that would be someone else.

“I won’t grow up.” Peter Pan

Just so long as you don’t say, “Bacon.”

At this point, I’ll settle for ‘alive’.

You’ll be someone else’s food, Pig.

I’m retired and still haven’t figured that out.

I didn’t know what I wanted to be, so I never grew up.

i wanted to be independently wealthy. i’m still waiting…

“The grass is always greener”, till you get there!

I didn’t want to grow up!

It’s a tough choice: If you’re a doctor, everyone has to call you DOCTOR Pig and make appointments to wait in crowded rooms to speak to you, but if you’re a lawyer and become a judge, people have to stand when you enter a room and call you YOUR HONOR.

I wanted to be president of this country, so I can tweet whatever I want whether it’s true or not. Also terminate anybody who doesn’t agree with me, and have the secret service protect me at all times.

Want to be Croc ! … Croc Power !

Fifty years ago, I wanted to be a scientist when I grew up. I’m not a scientist, so I guess that means that I haven’t grown up yet.

Our 3 yr old daughter wanted a doctor kit for Christmas and now she’s in Medical School … Dreams can come true!

I wanna be an animator and I don’t care about losing ownership.

if you live long enough you will be “someone else”

“If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents.

Pig knows his limitations. All too well.

Never in my wildest dreams as a kid, did I expect to wind up being an old (ish) grandfather, retired and happily living in Ecuador.

A little less handsome and a little more rich.

Myself.

Pig is something else!

Am I reading Pearls Before Swine or The Wizard of Id?

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.—Lily Tomlin

You could be Stephan and write yourself a better life and friends.

I yam who I yam. — Popeye

Free of silly questions and questioners.

I’d like to live in a civilized country..but I’d like it to be this one.

So sad, Pig. But incisive, yes!

I saw a show where they were asking kids what they wanted to be when they grew up, and one kid said he wanted to be a vampire bat.

Before you comment isn’t pig already grown up?, the answer is no, this is pig I’m talking about