Pickles by Brian Crane for July 30, 2022

Count yourself lucky, Earl. You’re still in bed not on the couch or sleeping with, Roscoe in the doghouse.

She’s a nasty piece of work

Spouse complains that my toenails have been taking lessons from the cat. Must now wear socks to the shared bed…

Armadillos carry leprosy

Opal’s note to self: get a pedicure for the heels

It is not easy for some elderly people to apply lotion to their feet.

They probably stink too.

I chase those little pests out of my yard all the time! They root for grubs and leave holes. I go out ask them to leave and they run into the woods…….HOW can critters THAT small make so much noise scooting through the woods? The noise they make is leaves and branches and anything else they can hit. Seems like they scootch (sp??) for miles?

Besides, their shells are smooth.

Earl is living proof that you’re never too old to learn something new.

You can always make excuses about being a Pink Floyd fan:

Every night I turn the light out

Waiting for the velvet bride

Will the scaly armadillo

Find me where I’m hiding…

For next time: “That’s okay. I just love when you wear your rough scratchy heels.”

Once again Earl, open mouth, insert foot !

It might be time to get the sanding machine /grinder, again.

So yesterday she was complaining about him not going to sleep and then she stabs him awake with her feet?

Given the choice of armadillo feet or the couch, I’ll take the couch.

Tell her you can’t sleep on a couch, so you’re going to a motel with the babe from the corner.

My dad would tell my mom that, when she needed to cut her toenails, it was like she was wearing spurs to bed.

Oy! That’s gross

Earl sleeps on the couch so often, do the cushions even have time to cool off?

Begs the question. How does he know what an armadillo feels like?

And probably can’t get leprosy from her foot.

No footsies for those two!

It is a long known and unspoken fact that the female derrière, when placed horizontally between two sheets, will drop in temperature by 10 degrees, and the female will always want to put that thing right up to a males back.

Somebody needs to explain to me why men are always the ones who are forced to sleep on the couch and not the women. Besides tradition that is.

Sleeping on the couch can be a comfort!

If it happened to me, I oiled my wife’s feet. I’m just saying …

Years ago, I knew a girl that had that problem. But she called them “spurs”, which was a fitting description.

Poor Allen…I think he’s got the message

And if Opal were to make such a comment about Earl, do you really think HE’d get to kick her out of bed?

Yeah.

He is on the couch.

If you gave your wife nightly foot massages with a good skin lotion, you wouldn’t have any complaints and she’d be very grateful. I do this for my wife almost every night – it also relaxes her and she falls asleep easier.

My southwest U.S. friends tell me they are best eaten at the Road Kill Cafe. My wife (RIP) finally was fed up with my snoring and I suggested she sleep in one of the empty nest kid’s bedrooms. Later, she accused me of kicking her out.

He’ll NEVER learn….. I’ve said it time & time again..!!!!!!

I feel like there is a panel missing between 3 & 4.

Opal might have given Earl a whole new meaning of shuteye!

At least he’s not taking a dirt nap for that comment!

Any smarta$$ remark, Earl will be sleeping on the sofa for good!

I always did wonder.. even if she starts it, why is it always the guy who ends up on the couch?