Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 16, 2021

After picking on so many other groups, I decided tonight to pick on the Army – but respectfully, of course, and understanding that not everyone can be a Marine…

A group of GIs are trying to get back to base before their leaves expire. They get to the train station, but they’ve already spent all their money on girls, booze, and other necessities, and the station master absolutely refuses to let them aboard without a ticket. As the enlisted men are pleading their case, a young captain from the same base strides up, sees the commotion, and asks the station master, “What’s the problem here?”

“Well, Sir, these men are trying to get aboard the train, but they don’t have tickets.”

“You just leave this to me,” the captain tells him. Then he turns to the soldiers and barks out, “Atten-HUT! About face! Forwaaaaard, MARCH!!” and the soldiers march right past the surprised station master onto the train.

Once aboard, the uniformed men relax and begin to thank the officer, but he stops them. “Don’t thank me, boys. I needed you as much as you needed me.”

“How so, Sir?” asks one of the GIs.

“I didn’t have a ticket, either.”

Okay, for those of you that wondered what the message in the bottle said:

“The note, dated April 5, 1974, lists the workers who completed the project and explains the project was among their first after converting to the metric system.”

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2021/10/14/australia-message-bottle-two-walls-Newcastle-New-South-Wales/3241634241103/

I hope the message didn’t say, This wall needs another load-bearing post.

Before I became afflicted with advanced years, I was a dedicated Do-It-Yourselfer, and somewhere along the line started writing messages on building materials that were going to be covered up with drywall or other materials, usually 2×4′s or 2×8′s, but once on a plaster wall that was being covered with paneling. Well shut my mouth and call me Jason.

A Priest was about to finish his ten-year tour of missionary duty and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives about the Bible and Christian values, in their own language, when he realizes that the one thing he never really taught them was how to speak English. He reasons that the most efficient way to encourage the tribe to learn would be to give a crash course to the smartest man in the village and to leave an English Bible with him.

So he takes the chief, whom he had befriended, for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.”

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”

The chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”

The Priest was getting quite enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the scrub bushes, they see a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The Priest is really embarrassed and flustered. Not knowing what else to do he quickly says, “Man riding a bike.”

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both right in front of the Priest.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe the virtues of Christianity, the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule, and how to be civilized and kind to each other. So how on God’s green Earth could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

And the chief replies, “My Bike.”

Until next time, enjoy your day and remember to keep off the main roads when riding somebody else’s bicycle !!!

What did the workers’ message in a bottle say?

Is this a self-cannibalizing octopus? Will it eat its brain? Guess I won’t find out till tomorrow!

Two guys are sitting at the bar at the top of one of the world’s tallest buildings. One guy says to the other:

“Did you know this building is so tall and the winds are so strong, that if you jump off the top the wind will blow you right back up again.”

" I don’t believe you", said the other fellow.

“I’ll show you”, said the first fellow. He went to the observation deck and jumped off. when suddenly “WHOOSH” he was blown right back up onto the observation deck.

“That’s incredible”, said the other fellow, “I’ve got to try that”. And so he jumped off the building, too. He fell 10 stories, 20 stories, 50 stories, 100 stories and then “SPLAT”.

The first fellow went back into the bar. The bartender looked at him, shaking his head, and said, “You sure can be mean when you’re drunk, Superman”.

A friend of ours was stopped by the police and was asked to show his license and registration. When he opened the glove compartment to get the registration he found a mouse had made a nest out of it. I won’t tell you what the police did to that poor mouse.

Believe it or not, I has to look carefully for a comment that has something to do with the comic here these days.

I saw the news article on the truck. 7 years so far this has happened.

Octopi have 9 brains (one in the head and one in each tentacle) and three hearts, so they are very smart and lovable.

Well, I guess Bill won’t have to worry about his truck freezing up during the cold N.Dakota winter.

Well… don’t leave us in suspense!! What did the note say??

And now 1974 is really old?

If walnuts sell for $6.00 a pound (unshelled), and there are four pounds per gallon times the meaning of the universe’s 42 equals the repair costs ($1008).

Octopuses’ thoughts go round in toruses, or is it torusi?

Does an Octopus brain have a hole in the middle or is it like filled donuts???

Unless it was a very long trip, I bet more than one squirrel did the walnut gathering.

OK, I’ll bite. What did the message say?

I did some work on our 1920 house and found some street signs in the wall. Can I get in RBIN?

Well, if you have to go, go far, in Fargo. Not far to go, though. ~ Nurse Seuss

Take care, may Bellvue Island Mental Health Cell Complex resident Mike “I’m Okay As Long As Fred’s Face Is On Fire” Tysord be with you, and gesundheit.

April 5, 1974? Why that’s positively ancient!

It could have been worse. Bill from Fargo could have come home and found his roommate in the wood chipper

A microwave antenna failed because a woodpecker or woodpeckers stored an estimated 35 to 50 gallons of acorns in it.

How long was he away from the truck? I doubt one squirrel could have done it alone.

https://media.springernature.com/lw785/springer-static/image/chp%3A10.1007%2F978-3-030-11330-8_3/MediaObjects/474000_1_En_3_Fig20_HTML.png

(from https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007%2F978-3-030-11330-8_3)

I would NOT call that a doughnut (although the esophagus does go through the middle of it.)

Actually the octopus brain extends into their tentacles and thru out its ‘body’.

Where in the hell did Bill go, Mars and back.

42 gallons???? Really?!?!

i hope he gave the squirrel back his nuts

The “Homer” Octopus.

The reason the truck looks like it does is Bill Fischer had to remove the front fenders and body parts to remove all of the nuts.

How much are walnuts by the kilogram? He could make some quick cash selling walnuts!

Homer Simpson octopus

Gallons is a liquid measure, surely?

Okay, so Matt Streatfeild (sp?) found a message in a bottle. What did the message say?