It’s long been said there are no new jokes; just new audiences. So prepare to hear one you’ve no doubt heard before…
Two men are out mining for gold when one gets bit in his foot* by a rattlesnake. “Don’t worry,” his buddy says. “I’ll go into town and find a doctor.”
Arriving at the doctor’s office, the man tells the doctor the problem. “You have to suck the poison out,” the answer is given. “If you don’t, your friend will die.”
So the man goes back to his friend. “What did the doctor say?” the bitten man asks.
My analogy. I think that life is like a roll of toilet paper. You start out with one of those brand new big rolls, 4 or more squares around the outside diameter, that looks like it might last forever. Mid life, the roll is now half gone, with maybe 2 squares to the outside, but hey, still quite a lot left, but maybe I better be a bit more careful & not waste any. Finally, you suddenly notice that the roll is darn near empty, with one square or less is all it takes to go around that cardboard roll! Holy shitz! I guess time to be ultra careful & not waste another square inch of what is left. And then it is gone, & you are now in deep shitz, looking for anything to replace it. Such is life & toilet paper! In real life, rarely a replacement roll.
There aren’t a whole lot of good meteor jokes, maybe not any, so this one might be a bit lame.
It’s the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter a shelter in the United States requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.
Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get there, neither Billy nor his granddad have a quarter to enter.
Accepting their fate, they wait outside for the world to end. The shelter closes and the two are standing, watching the sun set.
“Oh, darn,” says Granddad.
Billy says, “What is it, granddad?”.
“There was one quarter left.”.
“Well, we’re too late for that.” Billy looks around, yet he sees no coin. He says, “Granddad, where’s the quarter?”.
“Oh, Billy, you didn’t see it? It was behind your ear the whole time!”
Well, if RBION commenters follow their usual practice, the best joke will be found in the comets.
The wasp nests are florescent because of what the wasps find to use to make their nests. A few months ago, there was a news story about multicolored wasp nests: Someone put out colored paper for the wasps. So, when the wasps began their nest, it was that color. Then the person put out a paper with a different color, and the wasps continued building with the new color. Repeat with a 3rd color.
The item about the plant is similar to something we learned in middle school and high school: The peppered moth’s coloring helped it be camouflaged on trees with light shades of bark. The industrial revolution started, and air pollution darkened the bark of light colored trees. Dark pepper moths became more common, and light pepper moths less common.
Residente found more beats in the fruit flies than in Bad Bunny and all the trapers combined. (yes, they are call trappers for the dirty and degrading lirics targeting women they write to their songs)..
The Duke about 3 years ago
I always wondered who liked rap music.
eromlig about 3 years ago
It’s long been said there are no new jokes; just new audiences. So prepare to hear one you’ve no doubt heard before…
Two men are out mining for gold when one gets bit in his foot* by a rattlesnake. “Don’t worry,” his buddy says. “I’ll go into town and find a doctor.”
Arriving at the doctor’s office, the man tells the doctor the problem. “You have to suck the poison out,” the answer is given. “If you don’t, your friend will die.”
So the man goes back to his friend. “What did the doctor say?” the bitten man asks.
“He said you’re gonna die.”
*foot. Of course.
Templo S.U.D. about 3 years ago
Did the Indonesian meteorite pay for repairs on Joshua’s roof?
charliefarmrhere about 3 years ago
My analogy. I think that life is like a roll of toilet paper. You start out with one of those brand new big rolls, 4 or more squares around the outside diameter, that looks like it might last forever. Mid life, the roll is now half gone, with maybe 2 squares to the outside, but hey, still quite a lot left, but maybe I better be a bit more careful & not waste any. Finally, you suddenly notice that the roll is darn near empty, with one square or less is all it takes to go around that cardboard roll! Holy shitz! I guess time to be ultra careful & not waste another square inch of what is left. And then it is gone, & you are now in deep shitz, looking for anything to replace it. Such is life & toilet paper! In real life, rarely a replacement roll.
Caldonia about 3 years ago
“Say ‘aahhh’, Mr. Residente. Okay, you can hop off of the table now. Here’s your lollipop!”
Charlie Fogwhistle about 3 years ago
There aren’t a whole lot of good meteor jokes, maybe not any, so this one might be a bit lame.
It’s the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter a shelter in the United States requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters.
Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get there, neither Billy nor his granddad have a quarter to enter.
Accepting their fate, they wait outside for the world to end. The shelter closes and the two are standing, watching the sun set.
“Oh, darn,” says Granddad.
Billy says, “What is it, granddad?”.
“There was one quarter left.”.
“Well, we’re too late for that.” Billy looks around, yet he sees no coin. He says, “Granddad, where’s the quarter?”.
“Oh, Billy, you didn’t see it? It was behind your ear the whole time!”
Well, if RBION commenters follow their usual practice, the best joke will be found in the comets.
Until next time.
Dean about 3 years ago
Joshua must have had really good homeowner’s insurance for that kind of payday.
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 3 years ago
Yes, leave me alone or I’ll turn grey.. well, that’ll happen anyway, carry on.
Take care, may eschewed cranberry chef Pierre “Hey, At Least It’s Not Fruitcake” LeUpchuckord be with you, and gesundheit.
mindjob about 3 years ago
I guess Bud Banny Residente couldn’t afford a sampler
Jogger2 about 3 years ago
The wasp nests are florescent because of what the wasps find to use to make their nests. A few months ago, there was a news story about multicolored wasp nests: Someone put out colored paper for the wasps. So, when the wasps began their nest, it was that color. Then the person put out a paper with a different color, and the wasps continued building with the new color. Repeat with a 3rd color.
Jogger2 about 3 years ago
The item about the plant is similar to something we learned in middle school and high school: The peppered moth’s coloring helped it be camouflaged on trees with light shades of bark. The industrial revolution started, and air pollution darkened the bark of light colored trees. Dark pepper moths became more common, and light pepper moths less common.
paranormal about 3 years ago
It’s a wonder Indonesia didn’t claim ownership of the meteorite because it came through their air space…
FassEddie about 3 years ago
Didn’t we irrecoverably alter the bio system in Vietnam with all our agent orange? They’re lucky their bees don’t eat the tires off their cars.
stamps about 3 years ago
Rappers like Residente are the reason music is dead these days.
moondog42 Premium Member about 3 years ago
“Achieved overnight wealth”. I wish OUR insurance agencies moved so quickly when you filed a claim….
aerilim about 3 years ago
Residente found more beats in the fruit flies than in Bad Bunny and all the trapers combined. (yes, they are call trappers for the dirty and degrading lirics targeting women they write to their songs)..
WCraft Premium Member about 3 years ago
Oddly enough, the Puerto Rican rapper’s songs made more sense than the Mainland versions…
stealth694 about 3 years ago
Probably from the Phospherous used in Munitions during Vietnam.
RonnieAThompson Premium Member about 3 years ago
.the plant has changed color.
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2020/nov/20/chinese-flower-fritillaria-delavayi-evolved-less-visible-pickers
ekke about 3 years ago
Yeah, leave any potted plant with me and just watch it turn magically from green to brown.