The self-portrait of Herr Joseph Dorn / may be viewed by some critics with scorn. / Everyone in this place, / (but the dog), shares one face. / Artist’s license, or how they were born? /// The resemblances may be misleading. / At true likenesses, is Dorn succeeding? / Not a case of bad art, / or a joke on his part. / They are look-alikes due to inbreeding.
It finally makes sense! The reason all those paintings by the ‘Dutch Masters’ are so dark is that they are too cheap to turn on the lights, and instead paint by the light of a lone window.
You’re the child of a people imperial/ you’re the spawn of a strain ministerial/ but your parents were cousins/ (of whom you have dozens)/ and you simply ain’t “model material”.///The island of Britain is small/ and connections are hard to recall/ since few people can read/ we breed without heed/ and nobody keeps track of it all…
It is said that the German writer, Goethe, could only write if there was a rotting apple in his desk drawer; the German leader, Hitler, could only appear menacing when he put a black caterpillar under his nose; and the German artist, Dorn, could only paint with his underpants on his head …. and to think: they make such excellent strudel!!!
After bandaging his head from the smacks she gave him, and noticing the threatening scowls from her brothers, the artist removed her 2nd and 3rd chins.
Well, I was going to comment on the nearly surrealistic perspective, but your verse outshines all other comments I’ve read on this website, to say nothing of my meager observations. Bravo/a, Solstice!
Whatever the family paid/ to have this woman portrayed/ might have been better spent/ on a load of cement/ under which she should have been laid./// The painter has failed to include/ any warmth that these people exude/ or perhaps they just trigger/ an onslaught of frigor/ in the persons by whom they are viewed..
There is something distinctly daemonic/ in this cluster of titans, Teutonic,/ and it doesn’t bode well/for it seems to foretell/ far less fun than a high colonic..
(best viewed with Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages as necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this painting.
Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at
I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist’s German Wikipedia page (also indirectly pointed to by the title URL), the only online info I could find about him. First work by this artist used here.
Howard Cosell, politician James Baker, George Burns, Debbie Harry, and Cher as a wind-up monkey missing its cymbals, teamed up for this SNL skit which never made it to air. The dog ran off but was later spotted.
Perhaps Joseph should have foresworn/ depicting “die Familie Dorn”/ for their eyes make me tremble/ – they closely resemble / the kids in “Children of the Corn”.
The self-portraitist views his reflection / with a rare degree of introspection. / But the unfocused eyes / of the other four guys / seem like victims of Botox injection. /// Why is it they don’t interact? / Why are their face muscles all slacked? / I am staring, aghast, / at weird shadows they cast. / Are they zombies, or ghosts, or just cracked?
The three witches became fast friends after the first meeting by the cauldron. Now and then, they would have reunions; even after they were all married. Of course, one of them had been turned into a bitch by then.
Painter: When I paint, I think of Wagner’s work; Fafner, the Valkyries … tump tada tump tum, tum tada tum tum… and “Hiya-towAH, Hiya-towAH” … and of course, “Father, father, where is my sword?” … Well, I must be going now.
A Greek who lacks hands and feet/ is a Greek who remains incomplete./ There are numbers of these/ on the Parthenon frieze/ and they lie there and bleach in the heat../// In Britain it’s easy to see ‘em/ where the tickets are sold “per diem”./ You may even get cool/ in the vestibule/ when London heats up in the P.M…///
BE THIS GUY about 3 years ago
“After you finish her portrait, do one of the dog. And if you have time, then my in-laws.”
Say What Now‽ Premium Member about 3 years ago
“Oh oh, I think mother has frozen. Someone give her a slap.”
Solstice*1947 about 3 years ago
The self-portrait of Herr Joseph Dorn / may be viewed by some critics with scorn. / Everyone in this place, / (but the dog), shares one face. / Artist’s license, or how they were born? /// The resemblances may be misleading. / At true likenesses, is Dorn succeeding? / Not a case of bad art, / or a joke on his part. / They are look-alikes due to inbreeding.
sparklite about 3 years ago
“What a beautiful … wait a second. I recognize your palette. This is PAINT BY NUMBER!”
“Does this mean I won’t get a tip?”
rmremail about 3 years ago
It finally makes sense! The reason all those paintings by the ‘Dutch Masters’ are so dark is that they are too cheap to turn on the lights, and instead paint by the light of a lone window.
Call me Ishmael about 3 years ago
You’re the child of a people imperial/ you’re the spawn of a strain ministerial/ but your parents were cousins/ (of whom you have dozens)/ and you simply ain’t “model material”.///The island of Britain is small/ and connections are hard to recall/ since few people can read/ we breed without heed/ and nobody keeps track of it all…
ronaldspence about 3 years ago
There are 73 rooms in this castle, does everyone in the family have to be right here, geesh!
rmremail about 3 years ago
Now airbrush it to make me look ten years younger
sparklite about 3 years ago
“Hey, where’d you get the pig?”
“I beg your pardon? That is my dog.”
“I was talking to the dog.”
orinoco womble about 3 years ago
Either those two women were twins or Dorn only knew how to paint one kind of female.
pcolli about 3 years ago
That’s gonna be one big passport.
Egrayjames about 3 years ago
Everyone knew Esmeralda had farted, but no-one dared to crack a smile….not even the dog!
Buzzworld about 3 years ago
Portrait of Doreen Gray, day 1.
lagoulou about 3 years ago
Enough chaperones already!
lagoulou about 3 years ago
Their heads look too big for their bodies…except for the artist’s. Is he trying to tell us something?
jel354 about 3 years ago
Development while waiting was longer back then.
Reader about 3 years ago
She’s posing nicely for her husband, with her darn-in-laws watching, but in her mind, Liesl is far-away, reining her horse across sun-lit fields.
DATo about 3 years ago
It is said that the German writer, Goethe, could only write if there was a rotting apple in his desk drawer; the German leader, Hitler, could only appear menacing when he put a black caterpillar under his nose; and the German artist, Dorn, could only paint with his underpants on his head …. and to think: they make such excellent strudel!!!
garcoa about 3 years ago
After having Aunt Matilda stuffed, they needed a picture because they knew the corpse would deteriorate with time.
aerotica69 about 3 years ago
For once the portrait is more lifelike than the subject.
Another Take about 3 years ago
Die Mamas und Der Papas, circa 1832 ♪♫ CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ ON SUCH A WINTER’S DAYYYYYYY! ♪♫
Pickled Pete about 3 years ago
School photos — is that still a thing?
Lotus about 3 years ago
Nursie from Blackadder being told she will be executed as she sat for her portrait.
Rev Phnk Ey about 3 years ago
is that Stevie Van Zant and family?
MuddyUSA Premium Member about 3 years ago
I think the dog needs to be let out.
The Wolf In Your Midst about 3 years ago
“It’s amazing how you’ve captured the detail of each and every one of her nose hairs.”
wincoach Premium Member about 3 years ago
After bandaging his head from the smacks she gave him, and noticing the threatening scowls from her brothers, the artist removed her 2nd and 3rd chins.
bhcaruso about 3 years ago
Well, I was going to comment on the nearly surrealistic perspective, but your verse outshines all other comments I’ve read on this website, to say nothing of my meager observations. Bravo/a, Solstice!
Call me Ishmael about 3 years ago
Whatever the family paid/ to have this woman portrayed/ might have been better spent/ on a load of cement/ under which she should have been laid./// The painter has failed to include/ any warmth that these people exude/ or perhaps they just trigger/ an onslaught of frigor/ in the persons by whom they are viewed..
Call me Ishmael about 3 years ago
There is something distinctly daemonic/ in this cluster of titans, Teutonic,/ and it doesn’t bode well/for it seems to foretell/ far less fun than a high colonic..
mabrndt Premium Member about 3 years ago
Selfportrait Joseph Dorn:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1832_Dorn_Selbstportrait_Joseph_Dorn_Historisches_Museum_Bamberg_anagoria.jpg
(best viewed with Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages as necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this painting.
Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at
https://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/10/masterpiece-2818.html
I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist’s German Wikipedia page (also indirectly pointed to by the title URL), the only online info I could find about him. First work by this artist used here.
schaefer jim about 3 years ago
So what?
sparklite about 3 years ago
It might be my image is flat,
but the rear fellow looms like a bat.
He’s foregone his torso
while his visage e’en moreso’s
a scowling Cheshireized cat!
sparklite about 3 years ago
Howard Cosell, politician James Baker, George Burns, Debbie Harry, and Cher as a wind-up monkey missing its cymbals, teamed up for this SNL skit which never made it to air. The dog ran off but was later spotted.
sparklite about 3 years ago
Ex-husband: If I had a real pistol, I’d put one right between your eyes.
Ex-wife: Oh, yeah? Well, if I had a real hand grenade, I’d pull the pin and blow us both to hell.
Painter: I hate this job.
d1234dick Premium Member about 3 years ago
Madam De Boveair’s mother, father, husband , and spot the dog telling the artist what to paint so she looks better. their advice falls on deaf fingers
Call me Ishmael about 3 years ago
Perhaps Joseph should have foresworn/ depicting “die Familie Dorn”/ for their eyes make me tremble/ – they closely resemble / the kids in “Children of the Corn”.
sparklite about 3 years ago
“That’s an incredible likeness. Say, do you do colonoscopies?”
Solstice*1947 about 3 years ago
The self-portraitist views his reflection / with a rare degree of introspection. / But the unfocused eyes / of the other four guys / seem like victims of Botox injection. /// Why is it they don’t interact? / Why are their face muscles all slacked? / I am staring, aghast, / at weird shadows they cast. / Are they zombies, or ghosts, or just cracked?
sparklite about 3 years ago
“Nothin’ signals danger like to paint an ugly stranger in the mo-o- r-nin’…”
Bilan about 3 years ago
In 1830s Germany the most exciting thing to do was watch paint dry.
Running Buffalo Premium Member about 3 years ago
The three witches became fast friends after the first meeting by the cauldron. Now and then, they would have reunions; even after they were all married. Of course, one of them had been turned into a bitch by then.
sparklite about 3 years ago
Painter: When I paint, I think of Wagner’s work; Fafner, the Valkyries … tump tada tump tum, tum tada tum tum… and “Hiya-towAH, Hiya-towAH” … and of course, “Father, father, where is my sword?” … Well, I must be going now.
Others [in unison]: Oh, sir, would you?
Call me Ishmael about 3 years ago
A Greek who lacks hands and feet/ is a Greek who remains incomplete./ There are numbers of these/ on the Parthenon frieze/ and they lie there and bleach in the heat../// In Britain it’s easy to see ‘em/ where the tickets are sold “per diem”./ You may even get cool/ in the vestibule/ when London heats up in the P.M…///