That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for April 17, 2024

“It isn’t an antique now, but it will be by the time one of your great-grandkids inherits it.”

/// Blonde Victoria viewed the antique

dealer, noting his hard sell technique.

This winged Nike in bronze

seems like one of his cons,

but she’ll wait for her sister’s critique.

/// Seated Iulia had studied the face

of the statue; now peers at its base.

He is making the claim

that their family name

is carved there— where there’s still a small trace.

/// He had bought the piece as an investor,

betting that it depicts their ancestor.

“Buy her so she can shine at your Family Shine.”

Twelve gold coins, and the sisters possessed her.

“Listen ladies, I’ll let this piece go for 50% off if you promise to buy only 10 more pieces over the next year.”

Look, lady, stop trying to peer up my toga!

Toilet paper? What is that?

explanation follows….

Oh, but we use sponges on sticks!

Say can you make a bidet like the ones the Gauls use?

the girls were not impressed with third place trophy Octavius brought home…

A real find from his flea market foray.

Lesser sculptors were frankly invidious/

of the masterworks sculpted by Phidias /

But Praxiteles knew

(And you know it, too)/

That the one that he’s selling is hideous.

Look, I promised you your statue would be just as tall as you are, and it is. Can I help it if you misinterpreted “life sized”?

Ancient Rome anticipated “The Antique Road Show” with “The Appian Way Show.”

At the end of the drive, instead of the jockey, it can hold a lantern.

Or a great murder weapon on Colombo, or Murder She Wrote, or Dateline etc.

The first thing that caught me eye was the trip hazard of the rug bunched up in the middle there.

Looking at all the statues they already have in that room, I suspect this one will be an easy sale. But there will be an added charge if they also want the plinth it’s on right now.

They drove a hard bargain for their statue of the half man, half horse that’s next to the wall. They named their price, and wouldn’t pay a cent more for the centaur.

Before becoming a stand-up philosopher, Comicus tried his hand at door-to-door sculpture sales.

Do a search on the artists name with the word antique and you’ll find several more paintings on this theme. It seems the artists just loved antique dealers!

Early MD showing his female patient what her spine is going to look like if she keeps sitting that way.

“…and you can keep your weed in there.”

Lady sitting: What is this toilet paper?

“Or….if you’re extremely daring…but sign this liability release first…”

“Okay, so maybe I got a little drunk while carving the base, but I think it gives the piece character!”

Bed Bath & Beyond…offered “shopping at home” before they got their web site up and running.

“How very astute of you Madam to note the bias in the twist of the base of this beautiful work of art, but as a seasoned used-statue dealer I assure you that if I let go of this it would not fall to the ground and you will get many years of enjoyment from appreciating this exquisite antique. Now if you can point me to a corner of a room where I can go and install this for the utmost viewing pleasure…..”

It’s Nike- she’s won once again./

She triumphs nine times out of ten !/

Unbeknownst to her fans/

Sweet Nike is “trans”:/

She should be competing with men ..

“Yes it looks ridiculous. It’ll be perfect next to your statue of a centaur.”

she is more interested in the folds of his dress than the statue.

The Antique Dealer: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Undated paintings" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string Forti, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting. 

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3306 (April 17, 2024) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .jpg from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the info about this artist I used to point to here. Only work by him used here so far.

“Blonde Victoria”, living in Rome,/

Is most likely a long way from home. /

She was born, (rather cruelly)/

in Ultima Thule/

But she married a rich Roman gnome…///

Though Victoria’s consort is short/

he’s a person of monstrous import/.

He owns charioteers/

Gladiators with spears/

And his harlots are welcome at court.///

Some Senators say he’s a slob/

But others insist he’s a nob/

And this much is clear:/

He has Caesar’s ear/

So you know he can get you a job.

She has more than one Nordic ancestor/

Who with blue eyes and blonde tresses blessed her/

She’s a novelty here/

And she lives without fear/

For she’s also an “empty nester”.