That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 22, 2025

The Teddy Knob never caught on.

/// It was John Singer Sargent they chose

as his portraitist. T.R. would pose.

They could not agree where,

so both climbed up the stair.

Teddy wheeled on the landing and froze.

“Hello – shop?

Ah there you are. It’s about this coat you sold me…"

My jocky’s are chafing me.

“How about this one -‘when you’re the star, you can do anything – even grab ‘em by the…’ nah. That could never work in this country. They’d tar and feather me…”

“I don’t care for this pose. Can you paint me charging up these stairs like they’re San Juan Hill?”

/// Grew his mustache to match Roosevelt’s face.

Hollers “Charge!” before each upstairs race.

Panama’s in his cellar

(where he’s brought each dead feller).

Teddy’s in “Arsenic and Old Lace.”

We once had a president who said “Bully!” quite often.

Now we have one who IS bully quite often.

Ok, which of you put the superglue on here?

Teddy Polishing His Knob.

Melvin Jones, inventor of the hot rod shift knob

And then he turns the knob clockwise, which opens the secret entrance to the Teddy Cave.

There was a young fellow called Rob,

Who was constantly rubbing his knob.

He lived all alone,

In a broken down home.

It’s enough to make anyone sob.

The president, totally flummoxed after leaving a particularly difficult bout with Congress, stops for a moment to consider whether or not the “Hokey Pokey” really IS what it’s all about.

Too bad they don’t make Republicans like that anymore.

When you’re a star like me, you can grab ’em by the knob.

As the last person touching it, the stairway was all his! At this point Teddy thought to himself, “I bet I could even win the presidency”

This is definitely one of Melcher’s best captions.

As he stands at the foot of the stairs/

The President proudly prepares/

To ascend to the “throne”/

Where he’ll grunt all alone /

And to bother him nobody dares.///

“Does this ball make my hand look small?”

“Want to see my glittery ball?”

Might that be the “inaugural ball” ?

“Balls!” cried the Queen. “If I had two I’d be King!” —apropos of nothing.

“Fixed the newel post!”

Teddy had a BIG STICK, something tRump does not have according to Stormy Daniels.