Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 28, 2016

Stephan, did you clear this with your priest?

I have a collection of buttons and pins, and one of them reads, “Lord, Protect Me From Your Followers.”

and that is different from other religions how?

Stoopid Croc, Stoopid Religions.

As a theist, I find this pretty pathetic.

There are many that will argue about which god(s) is/are the true God(s). But if we were to all agree that there are no gods at all, we wouldn’t need to argue with each other about which god(s) don’t exist.

Oh man! I hope the Pope doesn’t see this!

incoming religious debates.

I wonder sometimes where the line between Religion and insanity is.

Gotta protect my @##!

Although I’m sure that which we sense as God exists, I don’t think It ever talked directly to a human, nor did It write a book.It lets us use It’s life force to live with the reflection of what we think and feel and do. Either that or, as many have speculated, God’s the King of the Comedians.

Well Larry Croc you blew your chance at a Zebra dinner again !……………..not to many Atheists in fox-holes………….

I’m surprised Croc’s religion isn’t simply “God say eat Zeeba.”

To the best of my knowledge, every government in every war ever fought has claimed to have God or the equivalent on its side. This has also been true of every movement or group, and that certainly includes those in modern times, that has endeavored to force their system and/or ideology on others Whatever one thinks of as a Supreme Being, or family of Beings, history is clear about the repeated misuse of faith to justify large scale killing and even genocide. Christians have been as guilty of this during what the West calls Medieval Times as certain Muslims are now. But it’s not limited to monotheists. Witness the mass killings of Muslims carried out by Hindus in India. EVERY religion has had sects that endorsed, and carried out, plans to wipe out those of different beliefs. This is what has historically made religion a far more destructive than constructive force.

I have no problem with people of faith per se. If it gives you comfort, stability, meaning, or whatever quality you choose to call it, fine. But teach your children your beliefs at home and in your church. They have no place in public schools. And leave me to believe as I choose, just as I leave you to believe as you choose. I will put my moral compass up against anyone’s. My guiding principle is to treat others as I would like them to treat me. Honesty is the virtue I prize most highly. And I apply my principles to myself first, before I apply them to others.

This one’s gonna get letters.

You and me both, Stephan, you and me both.

Just another reason why I LOVE thees strip

Larry’s religion is a croc.

Must be a record number of comments on this strip, and it’s barely 6 am! Haha this is touching a lot of nerves, but it’s going on my fridge.

Folks awful sensitive about a crocodile …

Love the crocs!

Crock’s headphones are actually tuned into Rush Limbaugh.

Scorecard…..god – uncountable millions dead by his hand or by his rules..satan – zero, zip, nil, nada…..that guy’s gotta lotta catchin’ up to do. He ain’t even in the same league.

Pretty good list. I had started putting one together, but I’m nowhere near your comprehensive list. Thanks.

Just like Muslims.

that’s a pretty tough religion. yikes.

Why I’m a heathen.

Not sure the world-wide threat of Kali is often perceived. Think this bomb was aimed at the notorious “Religion of Peace.” Probably be a Fatwa proclaimed tomorrow, and Hillary will condemn a disgusting comic strip.

I thought it was clever.

I guess Zebra hasn’t spent enough time around Loaves and Fishes, Cross International, Samaritan’s Purse, etc. If he bases his belief (and atheism is a belief) on Croc and those like him, then I guess he’s not as “Bright” as Pastis makes him look. Pastis and Wiley Miller must be hanging out with each other lately.

I thought it was clever.So did I. But we are Bigots. Or Phobes. Or some such.

Good idea. Atheists don’t need excuses to kill people. They just want to.

Is it just me or would it be funnier if Larry had said that “God say EAT eveyone who no beleeve”?

The Ten Commandments? Obsolete, my friendOn me (your anti-conscience) please depend

Instead of one god only, have a fewIf you get lucky some might follow YOU

And honoring thy parents makes no senseUnless you move back to their residence

And never take the good Lord’s name in vainUnless, of course, you’re hacked off or in pain

And Sabbath-honoring? So yesterdayIn these enlightened times sin every day

And don’t create an evil graven imageUnless thereby you do your rivals damage

Bear no false witness against friend or neighborUnless, of course, it lessens your own labor

And stealing in this modern day and age?Both Wall and Main Street think it’s all the rage

Adultery can be a lovely gamePreventing sex from being “same ol’ same ol’ same”And coveting thy neighbor’s wife and assCan be a treat, but only if the lassBe well and truly formed, so here’s my rule:Where wife is lacking, covet only mule

Concerning killing, causing rigor mortisOnly R.J. Reynolds ever rivals Phillip Morris

Stephan, you knew very well this strip would ruin an otherwise quiet Sunday.

OK, some questions/observations for our atheist friends:

1. I keep hearing atheists say, “I can be good without a god”. But who defines “good” if there is no outside “referee”? It would be whatever the majority or the most powerful say it is. If you’ve been raised in Western society, you’ve been raised in places that have been controlled or heavily influenced by Judeo-Christian values for centuries, so of course you’ll accept that it’s “good” to, say, help the less fortunate. But what about your “logic and reason”? Why would it be logical to help those who aren’t benefitting you in some way? If this one existence is all there is, wouldn’t the only “logical” actions for an atheist be those things that make your own life more pleasurable or longer, or a combination of the two?

2. Do atheists consider Mother Theresa and Gandhi to be putzes? After all, they each gave up significant material comfort to benefit others. Since (as you believe) there was no reward waiting for them “on the other side”, what did they get? It seems to me instead that atheists would hold people like Stalin and Mao in the highest esteem…absolute power over so many others, with millions of people serving your every whim. And then dying a natural death at the height of your personal power.

3. Are you ok with the idea that people like Mother Theresa and Gandhi end up with the same ultimate (non) consequence for their lives as Hitler, Stalin, Ted Bundy, or Pol Pot? I have the same criticism for Universalists..(God: “Good work Mother Theresa! And you, Pol, get over here you rascal so I can give you a noogie!”)

4. Where do you all live that people are constantly “pushing religion down your throats”? I’ve lived all over the country and, other than an occasional LDS or JW missionary, I’ve never encountered that.

5. All of those constant references to Deuteronomy and Leviticus are misplaced. Those are ancient Jewish scriptures, not Christian ones. The whole Christian doctrine is that Christ removed the burden of following those hundreds of rules. They are in “the Bible” to show how the faith developed and progressed. (And yes, I agree that there are some Christian fundamentalists who need to realize this point too).

5. What am I missing out on by being a believer? I have a number of atheist friends, and they are all living pretty much like everyone else I know. And I had to shake my head when one of these friends complained that her (now) ex-husband ran off with a waitress…she actually complained about him committing adultery! (If he was also an atheist, and running off with the waitress made his own life feel better, then why not?)

6. Why is it only Christianity that gets attacked by atheists? I never see attacks on Hindus, Pagans, or the scattering of people who still believe in the Greek or Nordic gods? And despite the high volume of criticism being against those ancient Jewish books from the Old Testament, I rarely hear of Judaism being criticized.

7. Want a true picture of human beings without any “religious contamination”? No, it’s not in that stupid John Lennon song “Imagine”. Try looking up North Sentinel Island. The inhabitants there have never had any meaningful communication with any outsiders in tens of thousands of years. Their “philosophy” on dealing with their fellow humans? “If you’re not part of our tribe, and you come onto our territory, you die!” So where is that “inherent” human value of universal love and brotherhood?

I love it when Zebra cannot differentiate Christianity from Islam.

That’s a whole lot of hate ‘n’ killin’.They oughta’ come up with a new testament to the Divine Order of reality and get down to love and forgiveness.Y’know… like them Muslims done.Namaste…

Hi, PaintThe! I was reading through all the above to be sure no one else had mentioned Frank & Ernest. I was going to point this out to Pastis’ commenters, but you beat me to it. Magnificent pun, what?

This reminds me of a certain religion.

This is a fun comments section.

Any resemblance between the Croc Releejun O’ Love and any Real Life religions is purely coincidental. Is that what you want us to swallow, Cartoon-Boy?Not surprisingly, the haters are attracted to the Comments for this strip like bees to honey. Any excuse to vent, I guess….

Otto West: Apes don’t read philosophy.Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not “Every man for himself.” And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

The theist says, “I believe there is a God.”

The atheist says, “There is no God.”

The agnostic says, “One cannot know if there is, or is no God. Therefore, I’ll wait and see.”

One of those three seems awfully sure of himself.

For you don’t count the deadWhen God’s on your side.—Bob Dylan

Agree completely.I’m an agnostic too. I don’t know whether there are no gods, one god, or a multitude of gods, but I do know that I have never been impressed by anyone who claims to know the truth, believer or nonbeliever.

Hokie1979 here are my answers

1) Good can be defined by objective benefit and harm of an action. It is useful to have a society where we do not harm one another, because we have evolved as social creatures and we wish not to be harmed. So even without a god to guide us the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have done unto you,” is a good one to go by, or as the Wiccans would say, “an it harm none, so mote it be.” Basically ignoring the fact that we’ve evolved a sense of empathy (well most of us), not actively harming others is in our common good.

2) Again it’s not necessary to have religion to believe that we should help others, and people in fact, gain satisfaction from doing so. I’m sure Ghandi felt immense satisfaction when the British withdrew from India, and I’m sure Mother Theresa felt pride in every life she touched. Whatever reward might await them, in the afterlife it’s not as if they didn’t experience psychological rewards on Earth.

3) What I’m okay with is a non-starter… there either is an afterlife, or there isn’t. I don’t get to determine if there is one, or what it’s rules are. What I have a hard time with is the belief that you have to stumble across the right religion to get your eternal reward, if there is a God I hope they would treat anyone who made an honest effort to understand the universe and treat their fellows with respect and compassion as worthy, and that Mother Theresa wouldn’t be rewarded as a Christian, while Ghandi is condemned as a pagan.

4) How about a queer child being disowned, brainwashed, or beaten by their religious parents?

5) When Christians stop using Old Testament Law, we’ll stop using OT Law when debating them. and other five… I don’t think you’re really missing anything as long as you treat your neighbor with compassion… You do you! Religious freedom is vitally important to the running of society. You personally though seem to be setting yourself up as morally superior to atheists which I do not agree with.

When you agree to enter into a monogamous relationship with someone, you’ve created a contract with them… and violating that contract is a scumy thing to do. If you want to cancel that contract you should be up front about it. Again don’t hurt others, because you do not wish to be hurt yourself.

6) Have you been paying attention to the news concerning France’s recent string of Burkini laws in the name of secularism? Atheists love to target all religions, Christianity is just the biggest target (in America). By the way state atheism is just as dangerous as a state religion, as soon as you believe you are better than someone because of how they believe it becomes easy to target them for violence.

Also while I have no issue with Teutonic Paganism, it’s often used by white supremacists (just as Christianity is), so there is reason to debate them on occasion.

7) an insular group is bound to fear outsiders and view them as a threat, so it’s still really hard to say from that one example if it’s a lack of religion at fault…

Crocs religion looks pretty tame compared to some: "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” – Revelation 21:8

A difference between “believers” and atheists is that atheists have no one to talk to during orgasm.

@firebrand1 Just because schools aren’t teaching Christianity as the one true religion doesn’t mean they are forcing atheism and humanism on everyone. Religion doesn’t belong in public schools where children of all faiths (or none at all) are there to learn. That’s what churches are for. If you can’t handle that, then send your kids to a Christian school. It’s as simple as that.

Wrong. The atheist says there is no evidence to prove the existence of a god or gods. That’s quite different that definitely stating “There is no god.”

Atheism isn’t a belief system, it’s a lack of a belief system. I am an atheist simply by not believing in any deities. The difference between agnosticism and atheism is the difference between believing and knowing. An atheist doesn’t believe; an agnostic doesn’t know. You can be an agnostic atheist if you neither believe nor know that any deities exist. (This is often called “weak atheism” because it makes no claims to knowledge.)

This sounds like Islam, but it could be a reference to Spain’s conquistadors.

Muslims in a white shirt and tie?

geeez… A Croc Religion… which one could it be? I think we need more specifics. At this point, it looks a lot like macadam.

Some atheist do kill people who believe in god. Just look at the history of the communist regimes.

Panel 2:the holy crusades and the fundamentalists

Or if we could just leave each other alone there wouldn’t be any need to argue. Let people worship or not worship how, where, and what they may.

Was’nt zebra in church once or twice?