Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for November 01, 2016

ohgod…I think I threw up a little.

H.E. Burns…ohgod.

(rolls his eyes).Riiiiight. As if a girl playing for the team wouldn’t be the talk of the STATE, never mind the town. Riiiiight.

In all reality , P 1 Gil asks à still concussion Heather what’s your middle name to which Heather replies Batman . Grab some bench Heather and have à Snickers . P3 Marty announces Milford’s new tight end really has à great tight end , fans I’ll get to the bottom of who it is.l

H.E. Burns. Harumph!!! Sounds like the name of a dime store paperback writer. Not that Heather playing Tight End is a novel idea.

First weekend freshman year of college I went to a party at the football fraternity. There was this big loud bearded badass outside greeting all the girls. Said his name was “PB”. I said "like Lead’? He stared at me blankly.

“Helium Burns”. Indeed it does. Just ask the survivors of the USS Akron. (I was going to say the Hindenburg but google told me otherwise.)

Bad news for Gil. In the latest Wikileaks dump, it appears there is an e-mail from Gil to old man Burns suggesting if he purchases a dozen Gil Thorp State Champion mugs and t-shirts, his daughter can play tight end. Marty would investigate the potential pay to play scheme, but he thinks Wikileaks is what happens after he drinks too much.

P1, Heather wants to be one of the guys so Gil headbutts her. Wait ’til she hits the showers and finds out what being one of the guys entails.

Former State Champion Coach Gil finally remembers to use a tight end in the 3rd quarter. That defines the word former. And why is Kaz sitting in the stands in P2.

Marty, so blasted he can barely keep his eyes open is trying to figure out who He Burns is.

Ethel?

Edith?

Esmeralda?

This plan will work great as long as S.H.E has no friends, classmates, former soccer teammates, parents, etc in the home crowd cheering “Go Heather”. I can understand Moon being out of it but Marjie Ducey should be all over this.

What’s with the tender looks in p1? Downright creepy.

@SoapySmith: That’s her sister Isolde Teresa.

P-1: Which bathroom should I use, Coach? P-2: Uh, Gil? The hand to the back of the helmet is fine, but, um, what are you doing with your left hand? P-3: Yes, folks, Former State Champion Gil Thorp is trying another innovation. A name is checking in, not a player. Land a Goshen, how can they defend a good name? (to be continued…)

P1 – Ahhhh! That look on Gil’s face! He’s giving her the googly eyes.

P2 – Unless Gil is 6’4", Heather is one short tight end. She should get clobbered the first time she tries to block.

P3 – Well, that solves everything. If you don’t publish her full name nobody will ever know it’s a girl. Until one of the defensive players looks at her and yells it out to everyone.

And speaking of yelling, yell out to everyone you know that today’s Mopped Up Thorp is online.

https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

H.E. Burns might be in trouble the first time she lines up. The LB will notice that “he” smells a little sweeter than the rest of the team.

Rich Kotite would feel validated that someone still thinks tight ends are the key to the game

H.E. Burns? An homage to He Hate Me, maybe

@Bitsy: so then what were they made for? (500 words or less)

Oh boy, this is a home game. I can feel it, a shot of me in the stands is coming up within the next couple of days. Which signs should I bring? The traditional “Go Larks!” for sure. How about “Obliterate Oakwood!”?

There were some illegal activities and rigged tables at the Fillet of Soul restaurant in New Orleans.