Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 27, 2017

If punching an idiot makes him smarter, it will count as a miracle in your favor.

Isn’t Saint Patrick Irish?

The catch, Rat, is that you’re only officially named a saint after you die.

Saint Nicholas of Bari/Myra (yes, the original Santa Claus) punched out a few idiots back in his day. When he was a teenager, he got into a street fight and got his nose broken.

Wasn’t it Saint Francis who is supposed to have said “Oh Lord, make me chaste. But not yet.”?

People call upon Saint Gertrude for protection from mice and rats.

A lot of tough saints are needed, because punching idiots is a moral duty. If I did my duty to all the idiots I meet, I’d have really bruised knuckles. And probably end up in jail.

St. Rat doesn’t sound right.

Saints are forbidden to deliver punch lines too…

Knowing how liberal Pope Francis is, he might find a way to make Rat a saint before he dies.

A really great friendship started with a great punch right in the nose. Of course, we were just little sprouts then. I often wished I had married that girl.

St. Rat; Patron Saint of People who REALLY don’t like idiots!

St. Sebastian is the patron saint of boxers. i think Rat would only be redundant.

“Saint Pugnacious”…. I like it.

Someone hasn’t heard about St. Athanasius

Gotta die first, Rat. And then it can be a loooooooooooonnnnnng drawn out process. Some saints are canonized in a few years, but there are others such as Father Baker of Buffalo who have been waiting a long time. Oh, and another key point: you have to be in Heaven. I don’t see you headed in that direction, Rat!

I dunno, the second-last Pope threw canonization around like Oprah giving gifts: “You’re a saint! And you’re a saint! And you’re a…”

Saint Pugilius, the patron saint of UFC!

Someone should tell Rat it’s called BEATification.

Can somebody punch Rat please?

xxx

I prefer St. Gabriel Possenti, Patron Saint of Handgunners and Marksmen

“St. Rat” doesn’t seem too likely, but there certainly have been battling or pugnacious saints. I assume Rat is referring, however, to canonized saints,,,,

You’re no saint, Rat.