Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 13, 2018

But you’re tastier than your friend.

I assume that his friend could be part Salami.

Pigs have been domesticated by societies all over the Old World. Pig could have some diverse ancestry… then again, it matters less where you’re from as where you’re going.

What a rip-off. It doesn’t tell him whether he’s Canadian bacon or …

Well, at least they didn’t call you pork butt.

I took one of those tests and found out that, besides having a sister in England that I didn’t know about, Grannies lie.

I sure would like a BLT right now.

Pig’s friend will be happy to know that he’s less than six degrees separated from bacon!

According to a new study, no pig is one hundred percent bacon.

Could be worse. It didn’t tell you that you’re Spam.

And how would you react to learning that you’re 20% beef?

Pork Belly, Ham, Brains, sausage, let’s face it everybody loves Bacon. I think John Lenon sang that, All we need is ………………………………………Bacon!

On the other hand, bacon is the answer to all the great philosophical questions, so Pig has that going for him.

But what about Ham, Spareribs, Pork Chops…??

The great tragedy here is we sold the Smithfield ham company to China. They fell in love with our pork products. So Pig is saving his bacon for the great Red Horde.

Really? No ham or pork chops?

Mine said Yogi Bear was my ancestor.

My stepfather took one of those tests. Among other things, he was 2% tar.

Only the belly is made into bacon. That gooey stuff you buy in the grocery is just unprocessed pork belly with artificial smoke flavor injected. I get real bacon at the hillbilly butcher across town. Long drive and high price, but it’s worth it.

And Goat’s says MUTTON.

And Rat’s says EEEEEEEEK!

And Zeeba’s says CROSS.

And Pastis’s says PUNdit.

a Theory: Pastis did the same thing and his results came out as ‘soylent green’, and he is just trying to easy it with humor

I wonder what response I would get if I submitted DNA from my dog. I’m sure somebody out there has played that prank.

In an episode of the Electric Dreams series on Amazon Prime, there are human-hog hybrids. No doubt their DNA tests would identify them as medium pig.

That is more of a palm reading than a dna test. Pigs turn into bacon. Pigs don’t come from bacon.

Probably Sir Francis Bacon.

am i the only vegetarian who would be sad to see pig turned into bacon?

LOL

LOL

With my apologies to poor Pig: Mmmmmm ….. bacon! ;-)

It’s Shrove Tuesday. Pancakes and pork products. Mmmm.

It’s Shrove Tuesday. Pancakes and pork products. Mmmm.

I went on a date with a hardcore vegan who had the temerity to tell me that eating pork was like being a cannibal as it is “well known that humans taste similar”! I didn’t bother to ask her how she knew this “well known” fact as I quickly paid for my beer and GTFO…

Look at it this way, Pig. Everybody loves you!

Here ya go Stephen:annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.When chemists die, they barium.I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivoreI know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.A will is a dead giveaway.With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Pig! You have such a glorious ancestry! And such a future, once you are (ahem!) cured….

Maybe it meant Kevin Bacon adopted pigs for pets when he was a kid because all the other “kids” were goats.

“Bacon, butt and picnic shoulder” and “Hocks and hams and tails and trotters.” from a song by Bok, Muir and Tricket…don’t know if they wrote it.

bacon, Bacon, BACON!!!

What’s shakin’ bacon?

why do they alwas ssay were bacon when we take a DNA test

Im part greek!