Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 25, 2018

It should be Rodent Who Wants to Punch in the Face.

That’s a Phil-o-sophical answer if i ever heard one.

Phil needs a punch-proof vest

Punch him again for me.

What were his parents thinking?

I don’t normally say this, but I’m with you Rat. I don’t care that Phil drives a Tesla, that’s not why I’m with Rat here. Phil could be driving a ‘67 Corvair or and ’85 Bronco, or a ’56 Beetle, or a ’08 Jetta and I still wouldn’t care. It’s not about the car he’s driving, it’s the attitude he’s giving off.

He asked what you wanted, Phil, not for your life story.

Finally, a time that we need Larry to do the job.

Rat’s full name: Rat “Who-Wants-to-Punch” Phil Inda Face

Rat doesn’t mince for words.

That’s the pattern in my neighborhood. The house next door to the north bought and left the newly remodeled house alone, likewise to the south, but most of the houses get torn down for McMansions.

Last year I met a man in New Brunswick, Canada. He was on his way back to California and charging his Tesla at a charging station. During his cross-country trip he had slept in his car rather than a motel. Not that camping out of a car can’t be fun, but he was driving a Tesla and the inside looked like an overcrowded and messy tent. Maybe the Tesla payments kept him from affording a room at Motel 6. Note: I wasn’t impressed by either the car, or the man.

And when Phil’s Tesla croaks I’ll use my 12 year old Tacoma to tow it to the junkyard.

I wonder who wins the pretensions race: Tesla Phil or Jeff the cyclist?

Rat & Pig are living in a nicer neighborhood than I thought? My son lives in California, and he can only afford is a room, not a house. He parks is Tesla in the room and sleeps outside.

Remember, Phil voted for Bernie, because he doesn’t actually understand where money comes from. (You can tell because he has more than one Tesla).

At least it’s not Dr. Phil.

j

Jef the cyclist is a parody of Jeff Mallet (Frazz). Who’s Phil supposed to be?

Phil to his wife: Honey, you’ll never believe it but our neighbor across the street is a talking rat…..

Someone should tell Phil about the environmental impact of suburban living. Maybe he’ll move.

Only happens with you, Rat

What’s this We’re off to a bad start with our new neighbor?

Rat’s had his Phil.

We had three New York billionaires move into the county to build an equestrian center. One of them spent close to a years salary (for me) on his driveway, only to decide he didn’t like the color of the pavers, so he had them all ripped up and redone.

I suggest have Guard Duck put Phil under the new foundation of the scrape-off. Just call it landfill.

What is wrong with Rat? A stranger comes to the door and he asks, “Can I help you?”

Phil? What happened? Did Cartoon-Boy run out of Bobs? Are Bobs now in short supply?

Advice to Phil: take your Teslas and get out of town. Rumor has it that neighbors of Rat and his housemate, Pig, tend not to last very long….