Frazz by Jef Mallett for May 04, 2019

Smarts just thinking about it.

Dang. Now, I’m hungry.

My wife insists on cutting her bagel that way. I always keep a phone nearby just in case.

Actually there are many more knives than cutting boards.

It’s cutting boards that are stored near knives.

Jef’s idea of a PSA (Public Service Announcement), a guide to consumers, which, by the way, has totally disappeared from broadcast media.

We used to have a bagel-slicer. It was a bagel-sized box with a slot in the middle for the knife.

You need to be VERY careful. Some knives go through bone as easy as a bagel.

Just don’t put your fingers in the hole!

How badly do you have to do that to head to the ER instead of bandaging it up yourself?

Just because you use a cutting board doesn’t mean you won’t cut yourself slicing a bagel

It’s called taking short cuts. Don’t have time to get out the cutting board. Short cuts or slices.I always wondered why Klingons didn’t have scars all over their palms.

My wife hates for me to use the ceramic cutting board. She says it makes a mess and harbors bacteria. Use a plate instead. Sigh.

Why would you try to slice a rock?

BTW, if you want to meet a lot of “wounded” gentlemen (and I suppose some ladies also) go visit the ER on Christmas morning as fathers try to assemble things. Not saying how I know except I didn’t have enough gas to get to the military base on the other side of town and had to hold my hand up bleeding as I pumped gas. Lot of interesting stories. Doctor said it happens every year.

Out of the mouth of babes…

The wisdom of a child too soon becomes the arrogance of middle age

that’s why we bought a bagel slicing jig. Wooden thing that holds the bagel safely while you slice it.

occasionally one of the side ads is for a handheld knife sharpener. The demonstrator is wearing a chain mail glove as are worn in abattoirs. Was that being preventative or not wanting to have a freshly sharpened knife run the length of your arm?

Ceramic cutting boards ruin a knife edge; use a wooden board, then set it on fire to kill bacteria.-Martha Jailbird

Smart kid.

But IIRC, the most common hand injury is misusing a screwdriver.

My father claimed that that injury was known to ER doctors as “Sunday morning syndrome”, because of the frequency in New York of eating bagels on Sunday mornings…

And this is the reason why I kept the band-aids in the kitchen and not the bathroom. That’s the room with most of the sharp, pointy things that can make you bleed.

1. If you think THAT’s stupid, how about the people who de-pit an avocado by whacking the seed with a large knife while holding the avocado in their hand? I hear a lot of ER visits occur that way as well; and 2. as my husband and I have frequent occasion so say about TV shows, “If there were no stupid there would be no story.” (Think the innocent maiden in her phosphorescent white negligee creeping through the pitch-dark mansion down to the creepy basement because she hears someone screaming. STUPID!)

Children should neither be seen nor heard.

I buy a brand that’s already partially sliced, Dave’s Killer Bread. great stuff.

Blog PostsFrazz11 hrs ·

When I first read that the bagel-slicing injury was one of the most common, and by some accounts THE most common(!) emergency-room visit generator, my reaction was, and remains, “Well, that’s a lot of people who just don’t have the right technique.”

Which means I’m next.

Except that was probably 20 years and a whole lot of bagels ago, and still no slice to the palm. I’m pretty confident I know what I’m doing.

Which means I’m next.

The funny thing is, of course I’m right next to a cutting board any time I’m close to a knife that will cut a bagel worth a tinker’s dam. And I know this, and I still play with bagel-cutting fire. I am an absolute, if good-with-a-knife, idiot.

Which definitely means I’m next. But I got a good gag out of it, and that’s what matters.

In my kitchen, the knives are stored on the opposite side from the cutting boards. Although in my defense, the cutting boards are stored near the counter where I do most of the cutting.