Ted Rall for June 21, 2019

Been there…

This is all so familiar. Why won’t the idiots in charge ever learn?

Been there too. If only we could have laws based on humanity, compassion, and respect … almost impossible in our current system.

Yeah. And I’m not too far from that condition myself.

My sincere sympathies.

fusilier

James 2:24

Block the number.. live your own life.. or, spend more time with her.. your choice.

Trump has all of these symptoms. I’m serious.

I think people in nursing homes should all be wearing Michelin Man cushioning suits. (I used to joke about that with a neighbor who was in her 90s, and fell once in a while).

I didn’t know about what you describe in panel 2. Like it wasn’t already difficult enough – for both of you.

Try to go for a walk outside for ten minutes or so, breathe deeply and try to relax. It won’t change the facts, but it will keep you sane. Been there, done that.

Yet another example of the rules, once formulated, being considered more important than the reasons they were formulated in the first place.

Caring for elderly relatives with physical and mental handicaps is a full-time job… It’s no wonder that trying to find affordable Elder Care is so difficult… If not to be considered completely impossible by the increase in rates over the last year’s. You have difficult choices to make when you have handicapped elderly relatives. The choices are never simple. Doing the best you can manage to do for those you feel you need to care for it’s all that can be asked of any individual. Then comes trying to overcome the guilt we inevitably feel after all of the choices are made. We do the best we can do… There is never an easy way.

Alzheimer’s is a horrible, HORRIBLE disease. In 2012 my mom fell and broke her leg (she was diagnosed in 2007). She was at that point starting to forget more, and after she got out of the hospital, my wife and I decided that she would then move in with us. It was OK until early 2017, after a bout of pneumonia seemed to accelerated her decline, and finally put her on hospice. That period, from 2017 to April 2018 when she finally passed away, was the most exhausting and saddest time of my life. Watching a vibrant woman (who was a professional dancer and dance teacher, still teaching up to 2012) decay into a shell of a person, with no memories, or awareness of what was going on around her anymore. My heart goes out to you Mr. Rall.

The falls could accelerate her decline. Too bad there is nothing to help at this time concerning Alzheimer’s itself yet.

My 93 year old mother fights with me about taking her weekly bone pill along with the supplements.

toddlers with rights

{{HUGS}}

There is no good “solution” to the problem of aging until you die. And Alzheimers is not a particularly good path to the end point among all the possible ones. If you are at all empathic, you can certainly understand how loved ones are tempted to mercifully hasten their arrival at the end.

I understand the laws on this. I don’t like them, but I understand them.

At the time my step-father went through this nightmare it was like the wild west. No such rules in place. Nursing homes were regularly being cited for using restraints to reduce labor costs. Keep the resident strapped into the chair or bed so staff didn’t have to pay attention. And worse. Elderly kept restrained for days on end. The laws were a response to an endless series of abuse problems.

Today my mom is in a truly wonderful memory care facility. The end is approaching but she is still free to move around her room and the common area at will. Large number of attentive staff. Bed monitors that alert staff if she is restless or trying to get up.

These laws are a mixed blessing. They force facilities to treat our parents like human beings, but, with the freedom to move comes the occasional problem. I’ve seen both sides and I will take the present over the past. However, I wish the laws made allowances. It is a one size fits all that makes no distinction for common sense measures used sparingly.

BTW, you have my regards and understanding.

The facility my mother is in has a regular support group for family members. It is a blessing. There is so much going on in my head that needs to be shared with people who get it. Guilt, shame, regrets, second thoughts, etc, etc.

I suggest you find a similar group and give it a try. It really can help relieve some of the stress.

The eternal Adult Protective Services conundrum: An elderly person’s children are criticized for unreasonable restraint, vs. an elderly person’s children are criticized for not preventing him or her from wandering away.

A little different spin on this. Both my parents were coherent until a couple weeks before passing. Hospice was a godsend for both as well.

My wife was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in November 2018. The doctors were convinced she wouldn’t last long(three months or 12 months with chemo.). She tried the chemo once. It made her terribly ill. She chose to forgo further treatments to prolong life. Our kids were wonderful. At least one was with us every day after she was no longer mobile. She was on oxygen through the entire period. two minutes without O2 would render her unconscious. Hospice was wonderful. They provided plenty of pain relief to the last.

I left her alone twice for a quick potty break. Both times in less than 3 minutes I returned to find her unconscious. My son was in his room and helped me revive her both times. After that one of the kids were always in the house. She finally passed when all three kids and I were around her bed. She seemed content that we were there for her. She passed quietly at age 63. A lifelong smoker who refused to quit. She knew the risks of smoking.

My point is, DON’T use tears and argument to get your terminal relative to accept chemo and radiation to extend their life a few months. Make it their choice after making certain they know the score. Those treatments may extend life but are NOT pleasant. My wife of 45 years was the bravest person I’ve ever known.

I miss her terribly…

Ted,

My mother fell three times her last year. She broke both her arms, and then a month later broke BOTH ankles. Osteoprosis and numbness contributed to all the falls. She couldn’t feel the broken bones.b My best wishes to you and your Mom.

Sometimes makes you want to turn off your phone, but you can’t.