Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 17, 2019

You forgot the fright house in between the carousel and the finial plunge off the roller coaster.

And you forgot the times you “tossed your cookies” after eating cotton candy.

And that you have to keep on paying money for it.

Panel # 4 : “Final Destination”.

And why won’t those rubber-tipped darts pop the balloons?

It’s the rare soufflé that doesn’t fall or cave in the oven of life.

Some days you’re the carousel, and some days you just go off the rails. I can’t even remember the carousel.

Just another average election cycle.

You can’t win those games because they are fixed against you. That’s life.

Another Debbie Downer arch …..Stephan did you buy the Sam’s Club Mega bottle of those pills ? …. Croc Power !

It’s more like ‘your bank account needs to be this tall to get on this ride.’

Because they are one millimeter wider than the bottle lip, the bottle is glass, and the ring is spinning.

Pffft! Life is great! I’m 55 and lovin’ every minute of it!

I loved those carnival games, so deliciously crooked. I loved watching people play.

Life is just a bunch of bumps and curves….depending how you handle them is how your life will go…

Some of us chose to watch the shows and not worry about the prizes.

“And the seasons they go round and round And the painted ponies go up and down We’re captive on the carousel of time We can’t return we can only look behind From where we came …”

Every day with those carney guys.

Pastis doesn’t knock it out of the park every day, but this is great!

There’s always the Tunnel of Love. But, that, too, ends.

The barkers on the midway each one trying to get you to give them money to see their misrepresented amusements.

And you gotta wait on line forever to get on anything good.

When I was young (lo, those many, many years ago), I loved amusement parks and carnivals. The happy noises, the glaring, lurid lights, the barkers seeking to separate cash from the marks, the smells of all that food that really wasn’t good for you, seemed wonderful to me. Now that I am old, and know it’s all boffo and scam, I still find myself wanting to return to a carnival or amusement park just to see if that ignorant, innocent, carefree, and easily awestruck boy is still within me.

Don’t forget the food poisoning you get from the “treats”.

What is the meaning of Pig’s punchline, “why won’t the ring stay on the bottle”?

OMG, this is so accurate!

It’s likely most don’t get out of it without pain and suffering even with hospice.

How bad can a cartoonist’s life be?

I always disliked carnival rides (which was the only form amusement parks came in where I grew up). Carnivals were okay because cotton candy and (sometimes) elephant ears; but even as a kid I could see what kind of people were (not) doing maintenance on those rides. Plus I get dizzy just thinking  about getting on a merry go round, and the real thing has seriously unpleasant consequences for me _and_the people downwind of me…

This is why I avoided the “higher, faster, scarier” roller coasters. I always liked the unwinnable shooting galleries. And old, defunct Riverview in Chicago had a b-b machine gun gallery where you couldn’t hit anything, but it was great fun!

How come we never see the cat?

All this proves is that Will Shakespeare was right: all the world’s a stage. Turns out it’s a Twilight Zone set.

“And the seasons, they go round and round,

And the painted ponies go up and down.

We’re captive on a carousel of time.

We can’t return, we can only look, behind from where we came,

And go round and round and round in the circle game.