Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 20, 2019

Live fast, die young. Leave your debts to your relatives.

Pastis must be trying to work on his retirement account.

“A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound

…a buck or a pound

…a buck or a pound

Is all that makes the world go around

That clinking, clanking sound…

Can make the world go ’round

— Cabaret Kander&Ebb, as sung by the great Liza Minelli

The moving goal posts phenomena.

If the metaphor was known and a given, you could have pig getting a heart attack running to the next signpost.

That’s what filling out government forms feels like. And applying for a loan. And pulling weeds. And…

Here’s the real way to beat a seemingly overwhelming goal: (Like catch up on 2 weeks worth of dishes): Don’t look at the giant pile. Clean one dish. Then clean another. Do that until you’re tired. Do something fun for a bit. Then clean another dish. Clean another.

Before you know it the dishes are done. You feel great and you move on to the next project. To keep dishes from piling up again, clean them right after you use them. Takes 2 minutes. If you have a family, each one cleans their own dishes. That distributes the work load.

Ever find yourself procrastinating taking out the trash? Take it out then. Takes one minute. Maybe two. Far better than the 20 times you procrastinate before finally doing it anyway.

Consolidate bills into a single lower payment, and then stop charging stuff, period. Getting a charge card makes you a slave to the company. Get a debit card instead and keep track of how much you spend. Add that up in columns at the end of the month: how much you spend eating out, on coffee, going to movies, going to clubs. It will shock you how much money you spend on junk.

Stop going out to eat 3 times a week. Stop going to movies twice a week. Stay in instead of going for a drive. Read a book. Watch Netflix instead of movie theaters. “Cut the cord” on Cable TV. Use the Internet for news instead. Stop buying stuff you don’t need (trinkets turn to dust collectors). Stop buying $5 cups of coffee. It’s stupid.

Before you know it, you’ll have LOTS more money than you thought you did. You’ll be out of debt. And your house will be cleaner.

How do I know this? Because I was forced to take these steps to stay alive when my income significantly dropped… and it all worked. I’m more comfortable now at half the income I was making… because I stopped wasting money and put my time to good use.

Hope this helps lotsa peeps. Pass it forward. : )

— Snoots Dwagon

That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Twilight Zone!

As a professional sign painter, I approve this situation.

My goal in life is to be a worthless bum. According to the wife I have succeeded.

Pig listen to the song “What Do You Want From Life” by The Tubes ….. Croc Power !

That’s the heading above the cowboy obits.

It’s like being on the treadmill …going no where fast

Spend, spend, spend tis "The Last Hurrah, before ‘going gently into that good night.’

Maybe the problem is because you have a joint account with rat.

Very similar to road construction signs in Chicago…

Are we there? / Soon.

Are we there? / We’ll be there shortly.

Are we there? / Just around the corner.

Are we there? / …

…nothing like being stuck in a rotary….on the highway of life…

Ever try to write a new book, but just can’t seem to do anything?

Nobody moved the cheese; it just got priced beyond your means.

If you’d just lower your expectations, you’d have reached your goals by now.

Pig’s financial goals may be the underlying cause, but it is clear that deceptive signs make the Pig go round, and round, and round. S’okay. Lean bacon….

Like fusion power has been 5-10 years away for the last 40.

What are these “financial goals” of which you speak?

Why the heck is this even funny?!?!!!

So this is what everyone did when we were raiding area 51