Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 08, 2020

The Democrats can use Rat.

Rat is just like me: unemployable

Change for the sake of change always reminds me of the bills…

That’s usually a good skill set to get you into upper management, especially in HR!

Hey, everyone! FYI for those who didn’t see my comment yesterday: Pastis’ first film is out today! It’s called Timmy Failure. He co-wrote the screenplay, which is adapted from his series of hilariously funny children’s books. Everyone should go check it out and support him! It’s on Disney+, which means it’s free to watch for those of you that have it, and if you don’t have Disney+, it takes 5 minutes to get a free trial with which you can watch it. It’s great that our favorite cartoonist has gotten this incredible opportunity to write a Disney movie based on his work, so we all should support him. It’s a very enjoyable family comedy with lots of Pearls-style deadpan humor and wordplay.

Rat also has the ability to raise morale; all he has to do is leave.

He could hire rat to work with whistle blowers.

All I offered was to read the State of the Union speech, and reenact the speaker tearing up her copy.

Nobody wants a rat infestation, Rat.

Rat could never land a job with Michelle Obama, might he could possibly collaborate with Ludacris. “How Low Can You Go 2020.”

I was part of a big merger years ago. The agency that took us over promised to improve morale. About a third of the work force quit in the first year.

He sounds like he’d be a perfect fit to replace the Pointy-Haired Boss at the company where Dilbert works!

Rats.

Rat look for a job at “Debbie Downer , Inc” you said you wanted bring down morale ;-)

Rat can do the same thing with business morals.

RAT wearing his interview tie! But it didn’t help him win friends and influence people….his big mouth is the issue….

Before I retired, I had a little sign on my cubicle that read “The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.” One Halloween, some coworkers and I replaced the sign on the meeting room with one reading “The Beating Room” and hung a cat-o-nine-tails from the door knob. The HR person and the General Office Manager both got the joke, and the sign and the prop were moved to the HR office after Halloween.

What skills?

Problem solved.

I wish we could trade the proportion of Croc strips to the ones starring Rat. A little Rat goes a long, long way…

The beatings will continue until morale improves!

The whippings will continue until morale improves.

So can Morals.

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

You’ve got to adjust your Skill Set to the potential employer, you silly Rat!

That’s actually a pretty decent job skill. Hire somebody to bring morale down, then watch it skyrocket when you fire him after a month.

Hey, Pastis! Congratulations on Timmy Failure. They sound like books I would have enjoyed reading to my little ones. (They are in their late 20s now.)

Rat, no one needs that job; that’s what CEOs are for!

If you want to make people hate you, just become a designer at Apple. And then don’t change anything about the phones for every 5 years.