Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 15, 2020

You’re a goat. Go out in the field, do your business, and rub your butt against some grass.

Can hardly wait for sanity to return (as well as grocery store shelves to be fully refilled before the mayhem ever happened).

This looks like a job for Mr. Whipple!

Remember when we used to point fingers at countries like Russia and Venezuela, laughing and commenting about how we were flush (sorry!) with this particular product?

He should do what Dustin Hoffman did in Papillion; hide it in his butt.

Goat is correct. I cannot remember stranger times. It’s abysmal that there is NO leadership at the Federal level as before during unusual events.

Plenty of rat poop out in the shed, but no tiny toilet paper. Poor things!

I ain’t worried! I gots my AR-15 and a thousand rounds of ammo. That’s protection! Ain’t nobody gonna take MY TP! Jest let ‘em try! An if my good buddy Mr. [Drumpf] sends me another $1,200, boy howdy that’s another AR-15 an another thousand rounds! Sweet! Besides, I hear’s them little corona buggers likes ta swarm, but I’s a good shot I am!

Goat has stuff all over himself, hit the shower dude.

guess they just can’t paper over their differences…

Rat is on a roll.

Wash – don’t wipe.

And thus began the Great Toilet Paper Wars.

Back when I was in college (in India), TP stood for Time-Pass! (sigh)

So summer will be here and TP will be growing everywhere. You just have to learn what to use when one is in the great outdoor privy ! Do not use indoors ! … Croc Power !

Coming up on prom & graduation season, but I don’t think we’ll see trees TP’d this year.

Funny, but I went shopping on Saturday, and at the local Kroger here in Kentucky, the T.P. and paper towel shelves were full…

Was a news item about cops being called to a Florida home for a physical altercation. Seems mom wouldn’t tell son where the the TP stash was cuz he was “using too much”.

I want him to do a new commercial (like the cartoon bears) and tell us that his heinie is clean!

Lol! Whodathunk in 2020 …..

where was this 4 weeks ago?

One would think that in a land whose “President” is a buttwipe, toilet paper would be abundant.

It’s similar to Stimpy’s most prized possession, Gritty Kitty cat litter!

“I may not be the President, I may not be the Pope, but if I have Gritty Kitty, I shall never mope…”

WHYYYY IS ALL THE TP GONE? WHY DO PEOPLE NEED SO MUCH?

What the hell is this toilet paper hoarding obsession about?

I don’t understand why Americans, particularly, are so freaked out about not having enough toilet paper – especially with a disease that attacks the respiratory system, not the digestive tract.

Do they even know what a bidet is for?

You should see the people for hand sanitizer.

Real life tho

Check out Seinfeld/Elaine https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=seinfeld+toilet+paper+episode+with+elaine

Let the TP roll!

All this over a roll of toilet paper? Man, things have gotten really bad for the boys during this outbreak.

Personal Ad — Coronavirus free man seeks coronavirus free woman with toilet paper. Send photos of toilet paper.

My thought — Be careful. Those toilet paper photos could be 20 years old.

Still waiting to see how the crocs are handling all this…

That would earn the death penalty in several cities!

Hey, don’t you have a square to spare?

According to British friends, it’s canned goods, not TP, that people are fighting over.

Glad my house ordered a ton of TP online when this lockdown was starting

you will have to learn to recycle. The sports section is a good start, since there are no sports matches by now

I like the line from Jimmy Kimmel: The new IQ test is 150 – the number of TP rolls in your house.

“Don’t get between me and my toilet paper” is an old principle.

corna

Just get a bidet.

I TP’d my neighbor’s house and they sent me a thank you card!

I went to one store on Monday and they had lots of toilet paper, and my sister saw full shelves of it on Tuesday. Hand sanitizer — that’s the stuff that’s impossible to find.

Stop, thief! Shoot him—err, wipe him out….

Someone lost a mega pack of TP off the back of a pickup last week. I’m surprised people weren’t stopping to gather the rolls.

we have a toilet paper hoard in the bathroom closet

turd

ohhh god not the dark ages