Arlo and Janis by Jimmy Johnson for June 30, 2020

Never clean the garage without asking the BOSS!

They’re work shorts now.

Arlo is about to start looking for the dynamite….

Call for an extra pickup. The fee is better than a week of driveway trash.

“Not any more.”

Did you want the garage cleaned or not!?!?

A good deed never goes unpunished. Next time, just stay in and watch television. You’ll get yelled at either way and this way you won’t have to worry about wasted effort.

I heard “I did something good”…“You did something wrong “

Damned by “faint praise”.

Great honey – I suggest you call for a trash guy to pick up so it’s not all sitting around and hey, leave me those shorts out to pretreat (how it would go here)

I’m getting some major deja vu here…

My wife is the storage queen wish she would tell ME to clean the garage to my liking.

All of my shorts are cutoffs, so there aren’t any good ones.

Again Janis just criticizes, never compliments. What has happened to her? I miss the old Janis.

I NEVER throw away any of his stuff. I just put it aside so he can determine whether or not it stays or goes. I wouldn’t want him deciding on MY stuff… It’s only fair.

My wife also became my mother when our kids were born. It never goes away.

Arlo’s a first-cousin to Brutus Thornapple, isn’t he?

Janis really needs to get out…. She’s starting to sound like a real wife.

Yeah, that’s like at my house. The problem started years ago, when my parents heaped praise on anything I did, no matter how trivial. I grew to expect it. Now, in my household, trying to get a thank you or complement out of my wife or kids is like hunting for gold.

No good deed goes unpunished.

An old case of dynamite would scare me. That stuff get very unstable when it ages. That is the reason that other explosives are used in mining.

No good deed goes unpunished.

“Those shorts are too dirty. Take them off!”

[Arlo wakes up]

“Sorry, Honey. What did you say?”

Been there. Heard that.

I don’t remember Arlo yelling at Janis like that before

Ya cannot win…

Ok, this sounds just like my husband, wear and destroy new shorts and then when he needs nice ones he grumbles he hasn’t any.

The lesson for Janis is: if you want something done how & when you want it done, do it yourself. Otherwise, shut up.

If she keeps this up, he will never again try to help

I didn’t see anything in the stuff he took out of the garage that would have mattered whether or not he had on good shorts, except for the battery. She won’t know if that was a problem or not until she washes them.

this is a good time for… “well, if you don’t like it you can do it yourself.”

Arlo seems surprised that the garbage truck came on garbage day. Around here, the trash pick up is the exact same day every single week, year after year. Of course he knew the trash was picked up that morning.

Always something.

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet and said “They’re not hanging Wright tonight!”

He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?’

Arlo, do remember that real men don’t just eat quiche. We also master the art of strain removal.

Getting on each other’s nerves. They still love each other. If one murders the other, regrets will follow — and not just because of the odor in this heat.

Perfect time to have a garage sale!!

She is such a loser.

My wife had a double-garage full of junk when she died. Even after three garage sales, I had to haul a thousands pounds of stuff to the dump.

I gave up worrying what he was wearing. The dirtier the job the newer clothes. My big tip off should have been when I came home from work a week after we got married and he was cleaning mud off his shoes with a dish towel. Fifty four years ago. Clothes and dish towels can be replaced a good man like him? Never!