Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for November 15, 2020

And thus removing the best joke from grade school astronomy class.

You bet Uranus!

Shall I be picky and point out that Pluto isn’t defined as a planet anymore?

Doug didn’t like being the butt of endless anal jokes.

“Uranusfirst planet discovered that was not known in ancient times, named for the god of Heaven, husband of Gaia, the Earth, from Latin Uranus, from Greek Ouranos literally “heaven, the sky;” in Greek cosmology, the god who personifies the heavens, father of the titans."

Since the sun doesn’t shine there wouldn’t Uranus be a black hole…?

My grandfather used to tell this joke: I knew a guy by the name of Joe Stinks. He hated his name and couldn’t wait til he was of age to legally change his name. He changed it to Bill Stinks.

The colours of Venus, Mars, and Jupiter are wrong. And the earth doesn’t look that green from space.

And now, for a fun fact : Did you know Ura… Er… I mean Doug’s spin rotational axis is tilted to 98 degrees, that is, it essentially spins on its sides. No other planet in the solar system has such a tilt. Imagine if earth had such a tilt, then instead of days and nights, the sun would just keep circling in the sky for one hemisphere while the stars going around in circles in another hemisphere. It would be somewhat like this.

Also, the magnetic fields are typically in alignment with a planet’s rotation, but Ura.. er… Doug’s magnetic field is tipped over: Doug’s magnetic axis is tilted nearly 60 degrees from the Doug’s axis of rotation, and is also offset from the center of the Doug by one-third of the Doug’s radius.

The other planets kept calling him “Urinal”.

Fell out of my chair!

Doug had it up to here with the Uranus jokes! In the end, he decided to change his name….

Fun fact: only 5% of the world’s humans are phantasizing a “Y” at the beginning of Uranus’s name — the native english speakers. So it’s a very exclusive joke … “Ach, die Engländer” …

But he was still an ass.

Why is that?

But what will the USS Enterprise and Toilet Paper do now that they cannot circle Uranus to wipe out Klingons?

Thus denying us use of endless bad jokes , " DUDE " .

Memory Tricks For Some of The Planet Names: Mercury and Saturn autos. Mars Bars. Pluto the Disney Dog. Venus is armless. Uranus needs no memory trick. That should be enough to get you a C on any test. You’re welcome kids!

I have a T shirt that reads ‘When I was your age Pluto was a planet!’

Well, that makes it dramatically easier to draw Doug.

It was either Doug or Urectum.

Old Star Trek joke: Why is the Starship Enterprise like toilet paper? Because it flies around Uranus and wipes away the Klingons.

Thanks for the laugh! Great way to start the day.

BTW, the Greek word for “anus” is transliteratable as “proktos”?

Your … WHAT?

I love when I make a Uranus joke and somebody corrects my pronunciation. Because Urine-us is SO much better… lol

My brother, Doug, is going to be unhappy they changed his planet’s name.

If Uranus was pronounced properly it wouldn’t be funny.

In any case, it became the co-ruling planet for the sign Aquarius.

According to the Wikipedia article “Uranus”, Uranus was known in ancient times, although it was thought to be a star and not a planet. “Possibly the earliest known observation was by Hipparchos, who in 128 BC might have recorded it as a star for his star catalogue that was later incorporated into Ptolemy’s Almagest. The earliest definite sighting was in 1690, when John Flamsteed observed it at least six times, cataloguing it as 34 Tauri.”

Way. To. Go. Doug! :)

I’m with Ur- … uh, Doug … on this one. Wonder what took him so long?

Made me laugh.

From today’s science headlines: “Uranus may leak gas into space at least once a day”

https://bgr.com/2020/11/16/uranus-winds-computer-model-voyager-2/