Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for August 18, 2021

“It’s my evil twin!”

The wonders of photoshop. “The b___ set me up.” Next Stop: a “country club” federal prison. Next Storyline: “The Longest Yards”.

Okay, felony conviction was before the name change (and likely the reason for the name change) but how do you get a high status job like industrial solvent peddler with no college degree or work experience or references (since they’re all attached to the name of a convicted felon)?

Heather’s sleuthing backfires when she is proven wrong, Milford Star offer rescinded, living off MHS line coach stipend, loses lawsuit from Cart, sentenced to being his caddie.

Doh! I should’ve taken the under on the number of shirt color changes from yesterday to today

Great investigative reporting.

In all reality, it appears that this storyline is slowly coming to an end and maybe football will start soon. Predictions for storylines are now open. Mr Reality predicts that Gil will have a medical issue and Heather will become Head Coach while Gil recovers .

P3.5 “No, you have it wrong Cart, it’s on the internet so it must be true”

It is so sad when rich country club types get scammed. It is why we work so hard to keep the riff raff out.

“And here you are in 1971 boarding a flight to Seattle under the name D.B. Cooper. And here at the Texas School Book Depository, Nov. 1963”

Gil whispers to Milford CC Prez, “Damn, she’s good. And he ages slower than I do”.

Book ’im, Dan-o.

147 responses yesterday from Snark Nation. Allegedly a new record. We haven’t had this much activity since….wait for it, an industrial solvents sales rep committed vehicular manslaughter. Tally Ho!

In the end, the Milford gang sends Carson back to Bemidji on a plane (yes, there is regular jet service here)… to live out his life working at the local Walmart in the sporting goods section, the scent of new tires from the Tire and Lube Express wafting into his nostrils while he waits for his meager check. ;-)

This evidence may be enough to revoke his red shirt privileges, but he’ll like be wearing a blue shirt tomorrow as is.

P 4: “….my uncle Bernie Madoff took that money….not me….”

P 3.5: “…I was acquitted of those charges…”

P 2.5: “…and what is SHE doing here?….she’s not even a club member and has no business with me whatsoever…if she’s been digging into my personal life, you will be hearing from my vicious lawyer, Hadley V. Baxendale herself…”

Charged but not convicted

Ah, as I hoped yesterday, Heather found the felony from pre-Milford days. It wasn’t related to handicap padding/hustling which would have been stupid even for this strip. I notice her shirt does not have the CC logo, so they didn’t give her a club shirt just for this court session. She wore her own red polo, just to fit in.

And speaking of fitting in, hopefully you can fit in today’s edition of Mopped Up Thorp – https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

Cartman slowly morphs from a younger version of GilPa all summer to an older version of Master Bader in P3 today.

She has it WRONG! He’s Carter Hendricks. Carson Henry was the alias.

Take his red shirt away. Then ban him from ever setting foot on the Club property again. Beat him with his own clubs. Then throw them in the water hazard, preferably the one with the alligators.

P1, He was a running back at Milford, right?

P2, And he’d have gotten away with it, too if it hadn’t been for that meddling line coach.

P3, That was tip money!

I’m sure he has some slick excuse. He’ll charm them into doubting Heather and slither away to his next set of victims in another state.

Big- Bad- Bookmobile- driving Abe gets in the act by wanting Carson Carter prosecuted for library fines. He screams “BOOK ’EM! BOOK ’EM!”

This would be a great time for Carter to give the bad guy speech from Scarface!

P4 “Who farted? Wasn’t me!”

Are we at 100 yet for the day? Aaah, ah, ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahahahahaha,ahhhhhhaaaahhhhaaaahhhh!!!

Maybe he was in the witness protection program. Now his FBI handlers are going to have to relocate him again because Heather Burns has exposed him. It’s possible, right?