That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for September 07, 2021

Having recently learned that grain is threshed by being beaten with a flail, Juliette wonders how she can get in on some of that action.

“Thank you, but we are looking someone more blonde for our beer bottle label.”

Knowing her husband has serious hay fever, Bridget picked a lovely bouquet for her bedroom.

Gathering the Corn by William Oliver the Younger

Maisy’s holding a bouquet of oats, / (very soon to be hulled into groats). / Wheat and oats were called “corn” / back where Maisy was born. / She’s called “Maize” by the painter, who dotes.

Virginia was asked to show more skin, but it goes against the grain.

Okay, she has the barley, who has the hops?

On this painting, a great deal depends, / for the model is one of Will’s friends. / He might make her his lover, / if he’d only discover / how to paint how a real elbow bends. /// Their affections right now are unspoken, / but she holds his bouquet as a token. / Putting things in perspective, / (although I’m no detective), / it sure looks like her left arm is broken.

Hiram sowed his wild oats with Maisy behind the haystack, but, somehow, they came a cropper. What she reaped was barley. Go figure!

“Is this the face that launched a thousand ships?” Don’t be ridiculous!

In 19th century England, roses were no big deal. But a woman that bakes you bread would have suitors lined up around the block.

She oat to be more careful.

On the farm I’m afraid we must leave her/. someone else will have to retrieve her. / Though she strives to beguile/ with her simpering smile/ she brings along endless hay fever.

“Why yes, I am toting a couple of handfuls, but I don’t why that makes you want to grin like a village idiot.

Steve you oat to be shot for these puns

cover of the 1912 sports illustrated swimsuit issue, featuring popular shawl model flora fiona felicity figwort…

Actually, she’s barley making ends wheat.

“It’ll cost you a few more Pounds to get me to pose nude Mr. Oliver.”

Hand on her hip and a stiff upper lip

Research for her new book, “Fifty Shades of Grain,” perhaps?

The whiskey ad covered all stages of development.

“But I will take a dare?”

“How would you like to feel these oats,mister?”

Miss spelt 2021.

And this month’s cover photo for Poor Woman Weddings, shows Agnes holding her wedding bouquet costing only a buck twenty five.

“That’s right Bozo, I caught the bride’s bouquet.

Turns out she had a glutton allergy.

When Amber waves her grain/ it becomes unmistakably plain/ that (despite my request)/ she remains fully dressed/ and dressed she intends to remain./// When she lured me out of the field/ with her frequent mentions of “yield”/ I fully expected/ (I’d already erected!)/ that the deal was pretty much sealed./// But sometimes what someone believes/ falls well short of what he achieves:/ and such was the case/ when I left (in disgrace)/Amber …smiling, still dressed/ midst the sheaves..

Maisy, the goddess of paronomasia.

I can’t stand all this punishment

Rye humor is a staple of my day.

And just what are you looking at, Sir?

She was beautiful with skin fresh and clear/ But she had a better way to make men draw near./ She ground the best of the sort/ and fermented the wort/ and soon she announced “Free Beer”.

By the age of 19, Maisy had already acquired the bent back, permanently bent arm and broad hips of someone who harvested wheat and then ate all the bread made thereof.

Let’s face it: she’s doomed to repeat/ our species’ enslavement to wheat/once we swung through the trees/ as free as the breeze../ now imprisoned by our need to eat…

“Say what?”

“You talkin’ to ME ?”

Harvest Time or Gathering the corn: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:William_Oliver_-_Harvest_Time.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size, probably 1867-1882 painting. Though no corn plant evidence is present in the painting, that I can see anyway, Christie’s (London) actually sold it for £5,000 under the second title, to some city slicker/rube, December 5, 2007 (I’ll let you adjust for inflation, convert £ to $, etc.).

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/09/masterpiece-2788.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by him used here.

“Do you really think your off-key rendition of Bringing in the Sheaves is gonna do it for me?”

I don’t believe this young woman ever in her life beat grain, although her servants probably did.

And tantalizing she is…..

From the knowing smile on her face, they knew she’s been “among the fields of barley, among the fields of gold”…

Once, when she smiled more broadly, I sorghums.

“Would you PLEASE put away your crayons and come help me with the harvest?”

“A tranny? I look like a tranny? Do you think I like wearing a bed sheet for a skirt?”

Funny!!

“Wheat’d you say? I can barley ear you!”

Long before Maisie ever was born, / “Nature” worship was treated with scorn. / Now some pre-Christian cults / attract coarse-grained adults, / whose odd children were called “of the corn.” /// So, although Maisie seems very nice, / and enticing, please take my advice: / If she asks you to plan / to attend “Burning Man,” / avoid wicker or you’ll sacrifice!

While the other two enjoy the ocean and the … ahem … odor after a game of skittles; I prefer the aroma and ambiance of the meadow and forest!

Man, that was corny.