Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for July 21, 2022

My bucket list pails in comparison to some.

I almost tripped a silent alarm once, but it saw me stick my foot out and avoided it. Naturally nobody ever heard of this.

How long is his bucket list? Surely, this can’t be anywhere near the top.

Other than a bank, where can silent alarms be found?

I’m silently alarmed quite often. Does that count?

But if it’s silent, how would you know if you had succeeded in tripping it?

…I don’t have a bucket list…

…don’t believe in ‘em…

…unless it is things I don’t ever plan on doing…

…don’t ever want to be interviewed on Tv…

…or be on Tv: period…

…don’t wantta ride on a B-17g…

…don’t want to have a surprise birthday party for me …

…or travel to Europe…

… I do not care to win a million dollars…

…I do not care to publish any of my stories…

…don’t want no t-bone…I call it my F- it list…

Large breast can trip a laser alarm, she’s a swinger like my backyard swing set.

Speaking of setting off alarms…..

While in France, I was at the famous Louvre! It was crowded….Admiring all the fabulous art, I moved in close to get a better look at a room with 18 century furniture…. I didn’t realize how close I was and I pointed at a piece, and the alarm went off, everyone backed away and ran, and there I was…standing alone…. I turned, and saw the guard giggling….at that moment, I knew I wasn’t in trouble… she said it happens all day long….needless to say I was so embarrassed…..

Yeah…going to .Europe was on my bucket list….mission accomplished❗️

I find each day long enough to have a bucket list. Mine are usually pretty informal.

After all, didn’t Master Dogen establish that each day has 6,400,099,180 moments?

The button I had at the liquor store was wireless on a key fob. In a power outage it was the only thing that still worked. So I had the cop watch the store while I went out back to reset the main breaker in the utility shed.

Ringy Dingy technology …!

I have done this. Years ago, in my mid-late teens, there was a private swimming club not far from where I lived, and on hot summer nights I and several of my friends would hop the fence and swim for awhile. We figured nobody would know or care since it was usually late in the evening when we did this (10pm-12) and we didn’t leave a mess. One night we hopped the fence as usual and one of the guys with me said, “what’s that light flashing over there?” Atop the fence poles were some newly-installed motion detectors and we had set them off. I realized what had happened and told everyone “RUN!!” We all jogged down the long driveway and hid in the bushes when we saw two cars turn in from the street with their lights off. Turns out they were sheriff deputies; they sped up the driveway and flipped on just about every light they had as soon as they reached the pool. With their spotlights turned the other way, they didn’t see us as we lit out in the opposite direction, and we all had a good laugh when we got to my buddy’s house.

And there’s my old guy reminiscence for the day. This just reminded me of that.

But I was watching her. I didn’t have any reason to distrust her immediately. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career as a private investigator. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like her. If I let her go now, that might be the end of it. Unless she was looking for me. In that case, it was time to wake up and finish breakfast while she found her way to my table. I didn’t need another case right now. Those were everywhere. But I did need a paying client. Those are rare. I added her to my reading list of people in the area.

Well, Teresa, as we all know, your business is your own, quirks are not shortcomings, and the essence of marketing is lying. So I don’t blame you for a second for how you feel about interviews. Dr. Seuss hated them too, for what it’s worth.

I can hear high pitched noises other people can’t. I went into a pawn shop one day and there was this tremendous noise and pressure. It was a hypersonic sonic alarm turned up all the way, they couldn’t hear it but it drove me out of the shop.

Better to trip a Silent Alarm than to trip over a Bouncing Betty. BOOM!

Try bank-robbing, bro….