The young couple on their honeymoon were about to spend the week camping in Yellowstone, but first they had to listen to the ranger’s orientation speech. He was particularly emphatic about bears. “They’re a protected species, so we’ve got lots of them, but they’re still dangerous. Don’t approach them under any circumstances. And don’t try to outrun them; they’re faster than you are. And climbing a tree won’t help, either; they’re better at it than you.”
The nervous groom asked what they could do about it.
“Well, some people stop by the gift shop and pick up wristlets or anklets with little bells. Sometimes if they hear you coming, they’ll move off before you get there. You can also get cans of pepper spray in case you surprise one. Oh, and be on the lookout for fresh bear scat; that’s a sign that they’re around and you might want to leave.”
“What’s scat?” asked the bride.
“Bear droppings. You can tell what kind of bear it is by what their poop looks like. The smaller ones, black bears, have scat that’s kind of firm and roundish, like dark ping-pong balls. The really dangerous guys, the big grizzlies, have softer, flatter, lighter-colored droppings, kind of like cowpies, except they usually have little bells and smell like pepper.”
suv2000 about 1 year ago
Shouldn’t it have been take 2 laxatives and give me a ring in the morning
Ratkin Premium Member about 1 year ago
What a ding-a-ling.
youarentjackson about 1 year ago
The bell-rung caller told the doctor “I need a ward.”
P51Strega about 1 year ago
“Why did you swallow the bell?”
“It, uh, peeled at the time.”
chidecki Premium Member about 1 year ago
I’d like to chime in…
uniquename about 1 year ago
Calling a dr in the morning. What a lousy way to ring in a new day.
sandpiper about 1 year ago
Will deliver instead. Just look on your doorstep.
oakie817 about 1 year ago
oh this chimes the wrong way…which ding-dong wrote this?…well, i’m gong
ChessPirate about 1 year ago
And in the meantime, in the bathroom:
“One wringy-dingy… Two wringy-dingies…”
(¬_¬)
Jogger2 about 1 year ago
Put the lime in the coconut, and drink them both up.
stamps about 1 year ago
Let me chime in with my 2c worth – I don’t find that appealing.
InTraining about 1 year ago
if you are still a bell to…!
Bill D. Kat Premium Member about 1 year ago
Reminds me of a joke:
A woman calls the doctor and says her child swallowed a quarter. Doc tells her no need to worry, it will pass through with no harm.
Next day the doc calls her to check on child’s condition and she says …. wait for it….. “No change yet”.
Richard S Russell Premium Member about 1 year ago
The young couple on their honeymoon were about to spend the week camping in Yellowstone, but first they had to listen to the ranger’s orientation speech. He was particularly emphatic about bears. “They’re a protected species, so we’ve got lots of them, but they’re still dangerous. Don’t approach them under any circumstances. And don’t try to outrun them; they’re faster than you are. And climbing a tree won’t help, either; they’re better at it than you.”
The nervous groom asked what they could do about it.
“Well, some people stop by the gift shop and pick up wristlets or anklets with little bells. Sometimes if they hear you coming, they’ll move off before you get there. You can also get cans of pepper spray in case you surprise one. Oh, and be on the lookout for fresh bear scat; that’s a sign that they’re around and you might want to leave.”
“What’s scat?” asked the bride.
“Bear droppings. You can tell what kind of bear it is by what their poop looks like. The smaller ones, black bears, have scat that’s kind of firm and roundish, like dark ping-pong balls. The really dangerous guys, the big grizzlies, have softer, flatter, lighter-colored droppings, kind of like cowpies, except they usually have little bells and smell like pepper.”
The Brooklyn Accent Premium Member about 1 year ago
A bell? Then he’s feeling queasimodo.
(Just a hunch I had.)
gopher gofer about 1 year ago
if he jumps up and down maybe he can get a gig as a bellhop…