That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for August 30, 2023

I, Claudius, was having a bad hair day…

/// Here, provided for your information,

is a Latin to English translation

of the text underneath

that guy with the spiked wreath,

(plus some extra words of explanation):

/// “In his sixties, (fourteenth year of reign),

with sharp golden blades ringing his brain,

the great Cæsar Augustus,

Claudius met with “justice,”

when by poison removed (in great pain).”

It beams TV signals directly to his brain

He quit wearing it when people started playing ring toss.

Tin-foil hat, version 0.1

Cleopatra swipes left!

He was a head of his time.

His buddies called him Spike.

He instantly regretted his decision to send a picture. The emperor’s posting for “adult fun” on Craig’s List caused quite the scandal.

Note to self: never again wear this darn thing in a hot air balloon

“Does this make my nose look big?”

It’s Flatus Prolongis, trying not to pass gas for as long as it takes to do this portrait.

Yikes! Spikes!!

Tyrants always try to look bad-ass for their mug shots.

Nuthin lowers your status like a “toxico sublatus“ in the mor-ornin’…

Gee, I alway heard that a bunch of Guys Shanked him.

A little-known fact about Roman Emperor Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus … he invented the first personal portable kabob multi-skewer.

Is this a bad painting or was Claudius’s head 60% neck?

Nuthin’s as imperious as the delirious Tiberius in the mor-ornin’..

Watch Satellite TV for free.

He loved the sound of balloons popping.

There were certain things his wife made him take his crown off to perform.

In spite of his lowly status/

Ish at last has received the afflatus/

Which will help him express/

With (he hopes) some success/

“His drivel du jour” (don’t worry- it’s gratis..)///

This portrait, in pompous profile/

Makes a mild-mannered fellow seem vile/

When in fact he was not:/

He helped Romans a lot-/

Murder simply wasn’t his style.///

Though installed in a palace coup/

He did everything that he could do/

To restore the stability/

(Though not the gentility)/

That the Roman Republic once knew///

But after the Claudian reign/

The chaos returned once again/

But, now “too big to fail”,/

Rome was “doomed to prevail”/

And her empire for years to sustain///

Her legacy lingers today/

In half of the words that we say/

Which might not be the case/

Had this “limping disgrace”/

Not held Roman decline at bay..

The Emperor Claudius: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Paintings of Claudius" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string Passarotti, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size, circa 1580 painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3179 (August 30, 2023) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. Only work by him used here so far.

“You know when you’re buying a dozen donuts, but they ran out of boxes? I solved the problem!”

Tired of people who “Just want to get into your head, man.”

Some wise guy tried to put it upside down…..he is no longer here!

When your head appears on a coin/

You may just be destined to join/

That historic elite/

Who are destined to meet/

A terminal kick in the groin…

The painting Steve posted today/

Is of someone who’s found a way/

That never will fail/

(It’s designed to impale!)/

Of keeping the barber away…

you don’t like it? well it’s made of 23 carrot gold.

“The Emperor Claudius,” date unknown

Thanks. I could translate all from my school boy Latin except “SUBLATUS,” which I had to look up…

The look you have when you find out in the mornin’ what Emperor Charles does with the scepter.

ForThursday:

h€££ you’re going/

Whenever Maurice is rowing/

there’s alway two oars/

And a couple of ‘ores/

Which is why his cruise business is growing.