Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for December 05, 2023

“Actually, Mopey, we’re on the Hysteric Register, thanks to the number of people who couldn’t deal with Les Moore’s presence!”

I’m going to guess this means that Mopey will have to do everything he can to maintain the building’s original appearance. So, um, pinball machines and a jukebox?

“Am I right in recalling that an author of a crappy comic will never, ever win a Pulitzer, and will spend 20 years whining about it?” “Be fair! He did win an Oscar for best supporting actress!”

“Am I right in recalling that every time you turn on the lights in Montoni’s, there’s the horrifying sound of hundreds of tiny chitinous legs scurrying into the food cabinets?" “Yes, we call them…pizza puppies. They’re very small puppies. With antennas. Also, do not look at the ceiling; 10 are about to fall onto your face.”

No. No, I do not recall. When did that happen, 1998? I’m expected to remember Montoni’s won Best Black Mold Award Histerfory Regulontry. The author can’t remember if the people Stanky’s talking to WORKED FOR HIM AT MONTONI’S, and LIVED ABOVE IT PAYING HIM RENT for YEARS, but sure, I remember one of the string of made-up awards Tom has given himself. And yet—everyone take a deep breath and repeat after me—“MY FATHER JOHN DARL—” That thing I forget every day, because he thinks his readers are idiots! This! This why we read this to mock it! He hands us this egotistic madness like it’s John the Baptist’s head on a silver pizza board!

Yes, Montoni’s is on the historic register… but only due to the record number of people who went to the emergency room with food poisoning after eating there.

gocomics should reprint funky old strip and see crankshaft origins

Only Tuesday.

Historic?it sells!!!!!

Historically bad.

Run, man, run. If it is on the Historic Register you will have a real pain in the @$$ trying to make any changes or improvements to the building.

pete plans to use necos as a pizza topping to show how creative he is

Where’s Crankshaft? Where’s that other thread asking about Crankshaft? Is Funky Winkerbean seeking out mentions of Crankshaft’s name now? Uh oh.

And, in another memorable moment in history, we put a curb cutout in the middle of the block so any wheelchairs can come right out our door into the street!

Also on the historic register is Les and Dead Lisa’s “boobie-grope/bad news” park bench.

That designation means Montoni’s will be around forever—-while it’s critics slowly die off.

Now comes the tough part—-who will be your food supplier?

How he comes up with such side splitting punch lines is beyond me.

Who wants to tell Tom that most small businesses absolutely dread having their property listed on the registry because it makes it extremely expensive, if not impossible, to properly upkeep the facility?

It’s on the Historic Register because Bill Clinton gobbled down a slice of their pizza?

If the building is an historic site, how can Pete expect to run a successful business there? He can only restore the exterior, would he be allowed to update in anyway the interior?

Wish more ppl appreciated things like this. It’s rare for a restaurant to last as long as this 1 has.