Free Range by Bill Whitehead for February 21, 2024

Look for length between “fecal” fingers of fate to gauge speed.

Elephants can outrun humans, but not squad cars.

The elephant’s face.

Elephants are not built for carrying loads. It damages their spines and legs. Not to mention what they go through to get to this point. Please research. (Yes, it’s a comic. No, I don’t usually dump reality on comics. But yes, I am very triggered by animal abuse.) Please, please research.

I’m reminded of when I moved one time, I rented a U-Haul truck. No problem until I got a bad tank of gas and ended up going 35 MPH on the interstate. An that was flooring it. You be sure I added premium at the next gas station I saw.

He woulda gone unseen if he was inside room.

Howdah heck should I know.

Either do slow or fast, but not half fast.

But officer, I was in the pachyderm lane!

Church your mahoutmeter.

Not very smart tp park right behind the elephant

Sit Dumbo, Sit.

There used to be minimum speed signs on the interstates around here but they disappeared years ago. Not sure why.

You donut know the half of it.

That cop is standing at a dangerous end.

Just have the elephant sit down right now.

TRUE STORY: Back in the late ’70s, a friend of mine was on a business trip in Texas & was driving about 10mph over the speed limit on the freeway, when he was pulled over by a cop. The cop let him off with a warning to keep up with traffic.

Must be German! That’s the only country where I have seen minimum speeds posted on the highways. There was none for the far-right lane, but all the other lanes had minimum posted speeds. It was posted in white on a blue circle.

Oh, and by the way, you crushed a SUV back there.

“Mind if we search your trunk?”