The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for April 15, 2024

if it’s not one thing it’s your mother!

Why The Pope And Dalai Lama Are Unlisted

(It is nearly Christmas, about 11 pm. The vicar has been out all day visiting elderly parishioners and has fallen asleep in front of the television. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello. St. [Saint]’s vicarage. Can I help you?”

Man: “I need to speak to the vicar.”

Me: “I am afraid he is unavailable at the moment. Can I take a message?”

Man: “Can’t you contact him? This is really urgent.”

Me: “I am afraid I can only disturb him in an emergency. What is the problem? I am a reader.” lay minister “Perhaps I can help?”

Man: “I have this really deep theological question. I’m sure only the vicar can answer it.”

Me: “I do have a degree in theology, sir. I’m sure I can help.”

Man: “When is the Twelfth Day of Christmas?”

Me: “…?”

Man: “Are you there? I told you, only the vicar would know.”

Me: “It’s the fifth of January. The day before Epiphany.”

Man: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Definitely. Why do you need to know?”

Man: “Me and my mates are doing a pub quiz. It’s the one question we couldn’t answer. Thanks. Bye!”

Me: “…”

Om, Ma.

She knew he’d come back, so she kept his room just the way it was…empty.

That doesn’t seem like a nice way to greet her son.

She could at least say … well, “Hello, Dalai.”

Shangri-la-dee-da.

I just got it, the “Mama”!

The Dalai Mama Drama!

Is there any religion where moms don’t treat their adult children like they are still kids?

Why do I never call? I’ll have to meditate on that one..

Yeah, but she still does his laundry.

She doesn’t like to be called housewife, she prefers Om-maker.

The Dalai rings the door bell, it chimes: “♫ Lama, lama, ding, dong! ♫”

I never metaphysical girl I didn’t like!

And, time to sheer our herd of llamas.

There was a young woman(mid-20’s) that lived in my building for a few years. Every Sunday she would load her laundry into her car and go to her parents house. (Yes. We have a washer & dryer here.)

She would spend the afternoon in the kitchen while mom made dinner. Meanwhile, dad would wash and fold her laundry and wash and vacuum her car.

Yes. She knew that she had a good life. :)

Her third eye is in the back of her head.

Needless-to-say, her mantra is M-OM.

If this were a TV show, would it be classified as a mellow drama?