Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for May 10, 2024

This ends when Batiuk reveals that the funds are for a company that rents out portable gantries and winches: U-Crane.

Dinkle, using his baton to poke the hornet’s nest: “Our first Lillian song is to the tune of ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’! Hit it, crone!” LILLIAN: “If you want to see/ where the children’s hospital used to be—Putin on the Blitz!”

Yes, ignore the fact that Dinkleberg retired from his Westview High position years ago because he was going deaf, or that he looks decades older than several of the nursing home band members, or that he was a “Funky Winkerbean” character who’s been shoehorned into this strip and replaced regulars like—oh, I dunno—Ed Crankshaft! Just keep giving him more to do here! Choir director? High school guest? OMEA attendee? Author? Book signer? Senior home band director? No problem for “Dinkleshaft!”

Also, did nobody in the Batiukverse get tetanus shots when they were young? Why are they literally always talking out the side of their mouths?

So, Lillian’s first “paying gig” will be at a fundraiser? Makes perfect sense.

At the Ukrainian Hall… Well, it certainly wouldn’t be a fundraiser for Russia, now would it?

What instrument is the woman next to Mort holding? (And is she even holding it? It kinda looks more like it’s just sitting on her lap, since her arms appear to be at her sides?) It looks like the body of a violin, but don’t violins normally have a neck? What even is that thing?

Horn dog Mort has “My Favorite Martian” antennas coming out of his fool head.

I have never seen so many throw pillows all in a row like that

Ain’t that ashamed!!!!!

Who knew that pompous horse’s rear had a wife?

Frogmouth Harriet returns.

zzzzzzzzzzzz

Retirement just means you never have to say you are sorry for calling in sick because everything you do is what you want to do……

Ah, Harry… how can we miss you if you won’t go away?

first on t he program—“The Spike Jones Polka”

Dinkle, Dinkle, go away, Come again another day.

This has been the fourth week in a row of this fat-faced, jack-o’-lantern-grinning blowhard, and the end of this “story arc from hell” is nowhere in sight.

Sorry, Cathy. Three’s a crowd. I think Batty has found a new love.

I’m going to slightly modify Mort Winkerbean’s dialog from yesterday.

Mort: Hey, gang… It looks like we’ve got a drama-less story!

We all know where this is going. Batiuk’s stories no longer have any obstacles or conflicts. There’s no pain or strife. It’s just smooth sailing all the way until the gratuitous smirks in the final panel of the story arc. Dinkle will be flawless. Lillian, the past elderly church choir soprano, will be the living embodiment of the perfect jazz singer. The band won’t miss a single note. There will be a standing ovation. The fundraiser will be flush with donations. Dinkle will be awarded a medal. (quintuple puke emoji) BTW, we won’t witness the actual performance in the comic strip. In Batiuk’s typical tell-don’t-show fashion, we’ll see only the moments before and after the performance.

Nobody wins all the time except Batiuk’s favorite characters. This is predictable, amateurish, and boring. It’s like being told a story by a kindergartner.

The bedtime stories I read to my son as a toddler had more drama than this.

Everyone has “come hither” eyes.

Ah, Ukraine! Has it been over a year already? CAn’t wait for next year when he throws in a Gaza reference.

Is that Drew Barrymore talking to Lilian?

Wow! She’s really let herself go!

Is that Funky Winkerbean on trombone?