Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for May 11, 2024

Nothing like spending a week building up to a big event, then skipping over it to show the aftermath. If Batiuk had written the comics adaptation of “Star Wars,” it would have been several issues of the Rebels planning to attack the Death Star, followed immediately by Princess Leia handing out medals (“Boy, that sure was great the way you guys blew up the Death Star and sent Darth Vader careening across the galaxy!”).

I thought “tonight’s gig” was a fundraiser for Ukraine. Shouldn’t they all be donating their checks to the war relief effort?

So…the Ukraine fundraiser was just a con? So Dinkle could pocket…how much money? Aren’t the handful of people left in this rust belt town starving and bankrupt, having wasted every dollar at the Mandatory Book Signings?

“I’m in SHOW BUSINESS!” cries the delirious hag, mad from hunger. “When they make a Netflix documentary on you, DINKLE!” She collapses as Dinkle gleefully grabs her check. And those jars of baby food he told everyone to buy for Ukraine’s orphans. He screams “DINKLE FEASTS ON GERBER’S TONIGHT!”

Yet another tell, don’t show by weak Batty.

I wonder how much $ Batty gave to the Ukraine?!

“Heh. You got that right, Lil! It probably cost me more to write out the check than what it’s worth!”

ooh funsize chocalate bar gimme

’’’’’always the bright side!!!!

Where’s LOL?

There’s no business like show business like no business I know

Everything about it is depressing, everything that traffic will allow

Nowhere could you get that sad feeling when you are stealing some extra chow

There’s no people like show people, they eat so little when they are low

Even with a turkey that you know will fold, you may be stranded out in the cold

Man I would change it for a sack of gold, but let’s go on with the show

That’s the spirit, Lilian!

So there’s seven of them. Is it a check for $15?

Show business? She’s a prolific author!

All this in a ‘toon titled Crankshaft! Where is he?

Lil, never mind the “tax bracket” stuff. Judging by the number of books I didn’t see you signing in the last several years—I mean, weeks (just seems like years)—I doubt this even lifts you above the poverty line.

Sigh…. It’s like Groundhog Day except with Dingleberry, over and over again

I remember the feeling…it’s pretty cool when you get your first paycheck for a gig!

Well, the good news is this riveting arc is now over and we probably won’t see Dingle again for maybe six months. Right? Right?

Memories.

As the guy in charge of cleaning up after the circus elephants said“WHAT, AND GIVE UP SHOW BUSINESS?!!?”

Once upon a time, back in college, I received a bill for one penny. on the check, I wrote: “One Lousy Rotten Filthy Stinking Cent” (true story).