Herman by Jim Unger for May 07, 2024

Just a normal day in France.

Poutine and salad probably isn’t pronounced Putain salaud

My MIL once asked for gravy at the Cafe du Paris, and the waiter’s expression and snobby refusal was priceless. My FIL was extremely embarrassed. :P

“Well, you DID order ‘Bol de vers de terre.’ I hope the earthworms at least are fresh.”

“Where’s my food?” becomes “Wears his food.”

“Here’s your food.” becomes “Hair’s your food.”

The best way to insult a Frenchman is to tell him, “Your language sounds funny, DeGaulle was a wimp. Your wine is mediocre. Jerry Lewis isn’t funny.”

It is not the words that matter, try saying it in Freshman Year High School French.

The chap to whom you say this will probably run away covering his ears with his hands screaming “Merde!”

We were in Quebec. My oldest was 7 or 8 and in a French immersion program from Kindergarten. He was also fearless, when it came to language. We sat down to lunch and asked if he wanted to place our order in French. He did. We got back four perfect meals and drinks. None of it was what we ordered, but we ate what he ordered.

According to lore, waiters in France hold condescension as the ultimate quality.

A missionary told how he was preaching that the men should “stand firm” but they laughed genially and someone explained he had said “grab your wife!”

It was mush.

With the summer Olympics coming, this year will see a record of offenses set. Guinness has been notified

Yeah…especially if you’re an American visiting Paris!

Next time just point to it on the menu.

Or where he was or wasn’t looking.

He ordered “the window of your grandmother’s casket”.

What did I say that sounded like, “Dump my order on my head?”.

Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it.