Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for October 21, 2024

Toddlers Put The “Fun” In “Funeral”

We just got back from a family funeral. It was sad but not for a relative we were particularly close to. My three-year-old had a great time meeting extended family, though.

Three-Year-Old: “I met all the cousins! It was fun!”

Me: “Well, I am glad something good happened today.”

Three-Year-Old: “Let’s go to another funeral!”

After telling her that someone we love has to die before we go to another funeral:

Three-Year-Old: “Okay, get me pencil and paper. I make a list.”

Little Girl Calling Out Merchandising Market Saturation

I used to work in a pet store and when the movie Frozen came out. We sold little figurines for decorating your fish tanks with. We had the castle, Elsa, Anna, Olaf, etc. A customer comes in with her little girl, who proceeds to look at them, picks up the castle, looks around at our store depressingly, sighs deeply, and then says so forlornly:

Little Girl: “Oh, Arendelle, what are you doing in a place like this?”

A Cacophony Of Cousins

When I was a kid, my parents, aunt, and uncle sent my cousins, my brothers, and me to church youth group every week. One night, my parents were too busy to get us there, so my aunt offered to drive us along with her kids and even get us all some dinner beforehand. Since we were short on time, we went through the drive-thru of a nearby fast food restaurant so we could quickly eat at the church before youth group started.

Like most young kids anticipating fast food, my cousins and brothers were rowdy. With six or seven kids (including me) crammed into one vehicle, you can imagine the noise. My aunt had to repeat herself a few times at the speaker until I got fed up and turned around in the passenger seat.

Me: “SHUT UP OR YOU DON’T EAT!”

The car went quiet, my aunt finished placing the order, and everyone got their food. My aunt even thanked me once we got to the church!

I wanted cousins when I was in grade school. I was ten when I finally got some. Now I have a whole passel of them.

Mine were all older than me and teased me. Only one was close to my age and I only became close to him after he got married. We hung out with them a lot.

Yeah, my cousins are all now scattered far and wide. Not like the old days when we would all get together on New Year’s Day.

I used to be best friends with my cousin…until I caught her making out with my husband, that was 50 years ago, got rid of him but never close to her again.

It’s been about 60 years, but I still miss the big family holiday meals. There was reunions here and there over the years, the last one was for an Aunt turning 100. Now they are all gone.

All that remains of my father’s side on my family are my sister, my cousin and me. We could hold our family reunion in a telephone booth if we could find one. (Where does Superman change his clothes nowadays?)

I make it a point to call both “girls” once a week. It’s funny how the phone only works in one direction, but it’s too late in “the game” to complain about it :).

It’s not April fool day. Aunty had no close relatives who liked her and she liked no one. She must be getting in the BAH HUMBUG HOLIDAY SPIRIT.

Monday’s child is fair of face!!!!!

..AA parents must not have had neighbors with kids nor went to daycare..

Not always so Aunty. My cousins all lived over a thousand miles away. I didn’t even get to know them until I was around 9 or 10.

Cousins, I hardly knew ya.

Cousins are the only friends before first grade. . . .

I don’t know if most of my cousins are dead or live. Most lived far away and we didn’t have money to visit them so we only saw them when they came back to their aunt and uncles hometown to visit once a year. I did find out when I was 12 that I had cousins only 3 miles away but since they were in and out of trouble constantly we never visited them.

My cousin and I are very close. I am close to his wife and children as well. We have a great time together. He even convinced me to fall face first into the Niagara River in winter chasing ice chunks when we were teens.

I wish. My mom and her sister are eight years apart. By the time my aunt had her first child I was 13. The fact they lived so far away didn’t help either.

i’d be censored if i described how i feel about my cousins here. but if i described how i feel about my aunt (beech), i’d get banned… ☺