I see a customer wander into the store and beeline straight for the strong alcohol aisle. A moment later I see him heading for the exit with an equally ambitious stride.
Me: “Sir, would you like me to call you an ambulance?”
Customer: “What?! Why?”
Me: “Well you appear to have a massive growth in the exact shape of a Ciroc vodka bottle that has appeared between your legs! It wasn’t there just a moment ago so it must have grown in a matter of minutes! That sounds like a very serious condition! It might be something new to medical science!”
Customer: “F*** off!”
His fast walk turns into a run, which causes the bottle in his trousers to slip down and fall out to the floor. Luckily it doesn’t break, but he does trip on it and makes an impressive face-plant on the ground. He looks back up at me, nose bleeding profusely.
Me: “Okay, now you really do need an ambulance!”
Customer: “F*** you! This is your fault!”
He gets up and rushes off, bleeding and vodka-less.
A woman comes in and spends about two seconds looking at our noodles section before grabbing my attention further along the aisle.
Customer: “I need [specific brand of instant noodles]. I need to send it to my son at university. He got into Oxford.”
Me: “I don’t think I’ve heard of those. Let me go back and look.”
Customer: “It’s okay, if you had actually been to university you would know about these noodles.”
Me: “Well in that case you can look for your own noodles. When your son gets his First Class Honours like me, he can come and work here part-time while job hunting so that he can be mocked by snobby mums who go around boasting to strangers what university their son got into.”
Customer: “That’s not what I was doing! Where is your manager!”
Me: “I can get you my manager, and you can try to get me fired, but I leave next week to start my full-time accounting job so good luck with that.”
F Around And Find Out — The Old Fashioned Way CONTENT WARNING: Gun-Related Violence
My great-grandfather and great-grandmother lived in a rural lumber town in the early 1900s, and they had a large garden behind their home, like many families did. When my great-grandmother noticed that her tomatoes, green beans, and cucumbers were looking a little thin, she mentioned it to my great-grandfather.
He decided to sit up for a few nights on the back porch. Sure enough, late one night, he heard people talking and saw someone lighting matches out in the garden. He let loose one load of small bird shot from his double-barrel, heard some screams, and saw shadows running away.
When my great-grands went to church the next Sunday, the pastor was “home sick” for a few weeks according to the daughter, who had one arm bandaged up from “thorns”.
The pastor did recover, and he had some scars on his face and neck from his “illness.” Bless their hearts. My dad loved to tell that story.
At my age, most of my “detractors” were in the past, and now are dead. So why bother spitting on their gravestones? The rest, still living, probably don’t even remember offending me.
Danger/Warning: While you are busy proving all those jerks wrong, you may also be providing evidence that, at least from other people’s viewpoint, you are (perhaps) a jerk too.
I’m not out for “revenge and retribution;” they are a waste of time. Given enough time, some people will prove what fools they are without any effort on my part.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Yet More Reasons To Hate AI
Customer: “How do I know you’re human and not one of those AI bot things?”
Me: “I f****** hate my job.”
Customer: “That’s good enough for me! My account number is…”
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
Adding Insult To That Injury
I see a customer wander into the store and beeline straight for the strong alcohol aisle. A moment later I see him heading for the exit with an equally ambitious stride.
Me: “Sir, would you like me to call you an ambulance?”
Customer: “What?! Why?”
Me: “Well you appear to have a massive growth in the exact shape of a Ciroc vodka bottle that has appeared between your legs! It wasn’t there just a moment ago so it must have grown in a matter of minutes! That sounds like a very serious condition! It might be something new to medical science!”
Customer: “F*** off!”
His fast walk turns into a run, which causes the bottle in his trousers to slip down and fall out to the floor. Luckily it doesn’t break, but he does trip on it and makes an impressive face-plant on the ground. He looks back up at me, nose bleeding profusely.
Me: “Okay, now you really do need an ambulance!”
Customer: “F*** you! This is your fault!”
He gets up and rushes off, bleeding and vodka-less.
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
When You Have Oodles And Noodles Of Education
A woman comes in and spends about two seconds looking at our noodles section before grabbing my attention further along the aisle.
Customer: “I need [specific brand of instant noodles]. I need to send it to my son at university. He got into Oxford.”
Me: “I don’t think I’ve heard of those. Let me go back and look.”
Customer: “It’s okay, if you had actually been to university you would know about these noodles.”
Me: “Well in that case you can look for your own noodles. When your son gets his First Class Honours like me, he can come and work here part-time while job hunting so that he can be mocked by snobby mums who go around boasting to strangers what university their son got into.”
Customer: “That’s not what I was doing! Where is your manager!”
Me: “I can get you my manager, and you can try to get me fired, but I leave next week to start my full-time accounting job so good luck with that.”
She left angry and noodle-less.
seanfear about 2 months ago
was like that then i realized the jerks don’t even care what I do so why bother shrug
Yakety Sax about 2 months ago
F Around And Find Out — The Old Fashioned Way CONTENT WARNING: Gun-Related Violence
My great-grandfather and great-grandmother lived in a rural lumber town in the early 1900s, and they had a large garden behind their home, like many families did. When my great-grandmother noticed that her tomatoes, green beans, and cucumbers were looking a little thin, she mentioned it to my great-grandfather.
He decided to sit up for a few nights on the back porch. Sure enough, late one night, he heard people talking and saw someone lighting matches out in the garden. He let loose one load of small bird shot from his double-barrel, heard some screams, and saw shadows running away.
When my great-grands went to church the next Sunday, the pastor was “home sick” for a few weeks according to the daughter, who had one arm bandaged up from “thorns”.
The pastor did recover, and he had some scars on his face and neck from his “illness.” Bless their hearts. My dad loved to tell that story.
FreyjaRN Premium Member about 2 months ago
Outlast your detractors.
blunebottle about 2 months ago
YEAH!! The reason I comment here!!
Shirl Summ Premium Member about 2 months ago
Sometimes I feel like giving up, then I just go and pray harder.
PraiseofFolly about 2 months ago
At my age, most of my “detractors” were in the past, and now are dead. So why bother spitting on their gravestones? The rest, still living, probably don’t even remember offending me.
Doug K about 2 months ago
Danger/Warning: While you are busy proving all those jerks wrong, you may also be providing evidence that, at least from other people’s viewpoint, you are (perhaps) a jerk too.
dflak about 2 months ago
I’m not out for “revenge and retribution;” they are a waste of time. Given enough time, some people will prove what fools they are without any effort on my part.
jango about 2 months ago
DETERMINATION for one AA
rockyridge1977 about 2 months ago
Never…..ever….give up!!!!
ladykat about 2 months ago
Same here, Aunty.
Daltongang Premium Member about 2 months ago
It’s okay, Aunty, go ahead and give up. We gave up on you a long time ago.
cuzinron47 about 2 months ago
And in the process, you may just be proving them right.
Smeagol about 2 months ago
I love the idea of Karma especially if it’s instant Karma, it also has no time limit so I can wait but hopefully it happens in this lifetime.
wildlandwaters about 2 months ago
ain’t gonna happen, Aunty… cuz they just keep multiplying…
gopher gofer about 2 months ago
why waste the time…?