Loose Parts by Dave Blazek for December 27, 2024

Estrogen gone wild

A jury of HER peers, not his.

Guilty!

I needed gift envelopes for Christmas to give money to my grandkids. Only envelopes the store had left were Chinese New Year envelopes. I really did not have a yen to appropriate their culture but what the heck, they are bright red.

You know I meant the envelopes, right?

And I sure hope you peeled off the paper and folded it carefully.

And don’t forget to save the shipping boxes. “Hey! That’s a good box!”

Now sit up straight and tuck in your shirt.

“Mom Court”… (shudder) I’d still be doing a life sentence.

Objection! The prosecution asserts the “bow” in question was "perfectly good ". However, the defense has a creditable witness that will testify that the bow came from the trash in the first place! And he was merely returning it to its original storage location.

If the bow doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

None of my gifts had bows, so I didn’t.

And his friends will give him a good ribbon when they hear the verdict.

“Oh come on, that’s a bunch of garbage!”

He’s headed to a prison cell he’ll share with people who wrote mean tweets

Touchy touchy! Who knew she saved them for next year! Jeeeeesh, what a grouch!

And furthermore, are you wearing clean underwear.

That could have been my mother. She and my father got married and had three kids in five years during the Depression. (I’m the fourth, a Boomer.) I let my own kids rip the wrapping paper off gifts because that’s half the fun, but when I was a kid, that was unthinkable. We had to carefully peel off the Scotch tape and set the paper aside so that it could be reused for the next Christmas.

I recycle gift bags, most of what I have are wine gift bags so wine is what I usually give out. My cousin owns a winery in Northern Cal so it’s those that I give to those dearest to me.

Sentenced to either wearing a Hello Kitty ribbon bow on the top of your head, or a papercut a week for a year.

thats my Mom!

GASP!!

RECYCLE RECYCLE RECYCLE. We haven’t had to buy gift boxes in ages

Off with his head!