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I’m working on a dynamic website that recalculates Gantt charts from a project server for interrelated projects. There are thousands of projects, each with thousands of steps that can have hundreds of states. Every step changed modifies the overall project timeline across thousands of projects. Every project is modified several times a day.
Client: “Why does it take forty-five seconds to display a page?”
Me: “Because it calculates the project timeline on all of the current entries on the project server. The project server has no way of knowing what the current state of the project timeline is until it does the calculation because the projects are constantly being modified. The calculation is initiated when you load the page, and it takes about forty-five seconds.”
Client: “Why don’t you precalculate every possible permutation across every project and simply write out a page that reflects that state, and instead of calculating it every time, you just display the page that matches?”
Me: Doing the math in my head “The number of possible output pages would exceed the number of atoms in the known universe. In addition, to precalculate it all would require a supercomputer running for thousands of years.”
Client: Patronizing “So? A web page is just bits on a hard drive, not actual physical atoms. All you have to do is buy some more hard drives and some more CPUs. You should know this.”
Customer: “My doctor has told me I have diabetes.”
Me: “I am sorry to hear that.”
Customer: Holding up an item. “Can I eat this?”
Me: “I can’t say, ma’am. You would need to consult your doctor or a dietary professional to advise you on what foods are best suited to any medical conditions.”
Customer: Holding up another item, ignoring me. “Can I eat this?”
Me: “I can’t advise, ma’am. I can tell you what foods we have that are low or zero sugar but I CANNOT advise on what foods are best suited to any medical conditions.”
Customer: “Hmm, well you should know. This is where my friend buys his diabetes supplies.”
Me: “Ma’am. I’m a retail employee at a grocery store. We don’t sell “diabetes supplies,” I have not gone to medical school, I don’t know anything about diabetes.”
Pause.
Customer: “Do you sell those things that allow diabetics to eat what they want as long as they stick a needle in themselves?”
Me: “I really hope you’re not talking about insulin.”
Customer: “Yes, that. Do you have anything like that or something you can recommend?”
Me: “I recommend… that you go back to your doctor and have them explain all this to you again… twice.”
My father was very good at this. However, my mother was less tolerant. She’d ask him, “Which one of those measurements are you going to use?” He’d reply, “I just sort of average them out.”
I spent almost 5 years building a large wooden ship model. Turned out that my mantra should have been “Measure 4 or 5 or 6 times. Cut once. Throw it out because it doesn’t fit and try again.”
seanfear 4 days ago
…. and adjust the font size 3 times
194919671982 4 days ago
And don’t forget to run spell-checker.
FreyjaRN Premium Member 4 days ago
Lay out what you plan to do before you do it. Some things can’t be undone, after all.
rockyridge1977 4 days ago
Short Life Advice!!!!
The Reader Premium Member 4 days ago
It’s all in the detales!
Doug K 4 days ago
Also … Before you carve something in stone — make sure it’s something that fits the situation and fits the stone.
Yakety Sax 4 days ago
It’ll All Come Out To 42 Anyway, Right?
I’m working on a dynamic website that recalculates Gantt charts from a project server for interrelated projects. There are thousands of projects, each with thousands of steps that can have hundreds of states. Every step changed modifies the overall project timeline across thousands of projects. Every project is modified several times a day.
Client: “Why does it take forty-five seconds to display a page?”
Me: “Because it calculates the project timeline on all of the current entries on the project server. The project server has no way of knowing what the current state of the project timeline is until it does the calculation because the projects are constantly being modified. The calculation is initiated when you load the page, and it takes about forty-five seconds.”
Client: “Why don’t you precalculate every possible permutation across every project and simply write out a page that reflects that state, and instead of calculating it every time, you just display the page that matches?”
Me: Doing the math in my head “The number of possible output pages would exceed the number of atoms in the known universe. In addition, to precalculate it all would require a supercomputer running for thousands of years.”
Client: Patronizing “So? A web page is just bits on a hard drive, not actual physical atoms. All you have to do is buy some more hard drives and some more CPUs. You should know this.”
Me: “…”
Yakety Sax 4 days ago
What A Diabeetus, Part 14
I work at a natural foods store.
Customer: “My doctor has told me I have diabetes.”
Me: “I am sorry to hear that.”
Customer: Holding up an item. “Can I eat this?”
Me: “I can’t say, ma’am. You would need to consult your doctor or a dietary professional to advise you on what foods are best suited to any medical conditions.”
Customer: Holding up another item, ignoring me. “Can I eat this?”
Me: “I can’t advise, ma’am. I can tell you what foods we have that are low or zero sugar but I CANNOT advise on what foods are best suited to any medical conditions.”
Customer: “Hmm, well you should know. This is where my friend buys his diabetes supplies.”
Me: “Ma’am. I’m a retail employee at a grocery store. We don’t sell “diabetes supplies,” I have not gone to medical school, I don’t know anything about diabetes.”
Pause.
Customer: “Do you sell those things that allow diabetics to eat what they want as long as they stick a needle in themselves?”
Me: “I really hope you’re not talking about insulin.”
Customer: “Yes, that. Do you have anything like that or something you can recommend?”
Me: “I recommend… that you go back to your doctor and have them explain all this to you again… twice.”
[Traveler] Premium Member 4 days ago
Cut once, cuss twice
jango 4 days ago
Reminds me of…“That’s nice. But who are the Chefs?”
dflak 4 days ago
My father was very good at this. However, my mother was less tolerant. She’d ask him, “Which one of those measurements are you going to use?” He’d reply, “I just sort of average them out.”
Mekoides 4 days ago
Similar to reading the instructions before you assemble or use an item.
Daltongang Premium Member 4 days ago
Spelling and sobriety, they both come in handy.
ChessPirate 4 days ago
Hmm, that reminds me, I haven’t downloaded “This Week In Chess” for a couple of weeks now… ☺
ladykat Premium Member 4 days ago
True, Walt.
assrdood 4 days ago
My mantra:
Measure once, cut with axe, beat to fit, paint to match.
Ken Norris Premium Member 4 days ago
Plan Ahed…
oakie9531 4 days ago
spelled correctly, great advice for a mohel
Smeagol 4 days ago
I hate it when I have to guesstimate…
cuzinron47 4 days ago
It’s good advice, it even illustrates why you should.
Cminuscomics&stories Premium Member 4 days ago
That was what my wood shop teacher said. The best advice I ever received.
tarnsman 4 days ago
I spent almost 5 years building a large wooden ship model. Turned out that my mantra should have been “Measure 4 or 5 or 6 times. Cut once. Throw it out because it doesn’t fit and try again.”
paullp Premium Member 3 days ago
Problem is that I never get an accurate measurement when I try to measure my twic.
kaycstamper 3 days ago
Where’s 2/18?
kendavis09 2 days ago
Did Aunty Acid go to once a week entries?