Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for January 22, 2025

So the Emily who followed Skipper back in November for a school assignment was the real Emily, but the one who entered a heretofore unknown essay contest was Amelia pretending to be her sister, and now both Midwich Cuckoos of shifting ages want reporter jobs for a barely solvent small-town newsrag with a current work roster of one. Okay, got it. One can only hope that fellow generic blondes Cindy, Mindy, and Hannah don’t show up looking for work, or else Skippy will really have his hands full…oops, sorry.

Oh, and even if you pronounce it with the stress on the second syllable, “record” sounds nothing like “petard.”

Well, that was worth waiting ninety minutes to access.

“Weekly Fishwrapper hires twin reporters! Girl reporters! For details visit our FaceFluke page!”

No pay, but you are hired!

Illicit recordings of sources, off to a good start.

This isn’t what journalism should be about with the use of phone recordings for extortion purposes.

Ha ha ha. April fools ya old goat. We sure gotcha didn’t we not. Emily ain’t really writing these articles see. It was her eevil twin who wrotes it. Ha ha ha ha. But you gotta hires we both because …er…uh… Because…eh…well, we looks alike see. So you gotta hires we both see. Because its called reporting. Oh waitsaminute. It still January today too. Well me not get what be today’s gag too anyways.

Wait a minute. Is this ‘Archie’? Or ‘Scooby Doo’?

Somebody’s been revisiting their Shakespeare lately. The switched twins from Comedy of Errors and hoist by my own petard from Hamlet.

“I’ll call one of you Eppie and the other one Popo!”

Question: Is it 1:45 or 9:05?

Skippy: “That’s pretty clever, Black Shirt Twin—you’re hired!”

White Shirt Twin: “What about me? I wrote the essay!”

Skippy: “So you did, and I said you’re a good writer. But you’re applying for the job of reporter, and your sister’s the one who got the quote!”

Sure, hire a child.

He looks like he could use another hand.

this would be even more fun if they were triplets…oh and imagine the laughs if Crankie had a twin!!

Today is “National Hot Sauce Day”

Patty Duke is claiming credit for the essay

This town ain’t big enough for another reporter!!!!!

maybe the twins will pose in bikinis like those papers in london do

It’s not whether you’re good or not, the paper makes no money.

In the third panel, Skip’s dark suspenders and tie make him look like he has a black and white striped shirt, like a referee.

Throw a flag, Skip! Illegal procedure!

You’re hired!! But the pay isn’t very good