Pickles by Brian Crane for January 03, 2021

Knowing Earls luck Opal is walking back and is close enough to hear this.

If Earl doesn’t know all that, then he could be talking to his wife now.

I bought my wife a Thing Finder with multiple tags and a master remote for Christmas. She immediately stuck one of the tags on me.

Spouse (about 155 cm — a little over 5 ft), short white hair, one of three jackets that I can’t remember which because she’s had them all for years)… can walk into a store, pause for a moment (which causes me to glance up to see what I might be interested in) and then disappear. Bear in mind that she’s shorter than the height of the shelves. I look around: No spouse. So I go look down / up the next 5 aisles: Nope. I go back to where she disappeared and look again. Nope. So I settle to wait for her to show up. A few minutes later she heaves into view and complains that I’m always disappearing whenever we go shopping together. ¯\㋡/¯

PS: Whenever a clerk asks me if I want help looking for something, I always say “wife” and they usually respond with “Good luck with THAT (smile)”

it’s like the conversation Earl had with his buddy Clyde a few days ago of what to give Opal for Christmas: not knowing her clothing and shoe sizes nor her favorite flower (the last one being Pillsbury)

“Honey?” “Babe?” “Sweetheart?”

I’m not sure my dad knew my mom’s name. He never used it!

Mine knew his name because Mom used it. ;^)

I never forget my wife’s name but others, sometimes I do. Call it a seniors moment or a brain cramp but it drives me nuts when someone’s name won’t come to me. I know the person and his or her name but for some inexplicable reason my mind is a blank with the name. I have found using word association helps me in remembering names though. I like this joke: A man met a lady at a social function. Her name was Hazel. He thought to himself, “How can I remember her name?” He thought he’d use word association. “I’ve got it!” The next time he bumped into her he said, “Hi again! You’re—don’t tell me your name—I remember you as being some kind of a nut!” But on a serious note there is a neighbor of mine who’s name is Ralph. I wanted to remember his name when I first met him. I thought of the perfect way to remember his name. I think of vomit. Seriously…think about it—rrrralph! When I told him how I always remember his name he laughed his head off. :-) LOL One more memory: My wife and I were at a church social. There was a man that I wanted to introduce my wife to. We were talking and it dawned on me that I could not think of his name. I felt terrible and embarrassed. I could not believe that my mind had gone blank at that moment. So I said to the two of them, “I’ll let you two introduce yourselves. I’ve got to use the washroom,” and took off like a shot!

On one level this is funny, however,I know of several old people who this has happened to and It’s not funny then.

Now I vision Opal putting a tag on Earl. The tag says if found my name is Earl. My wife’s name is Opal ;-)

Perhaps best ever

Are you sure she’s not at home?

I always look for a beautiful woman, that’s my wife. If I don’t find her my wife finds me. She can sense if I get around another pretty woman and somehow just appears in between us. Amazing skill set that woman has.

She’s probably out in the car trying to remember if you came with her this time.

Carry a milk carton into the store with Opal’s photo inset into a missing person panel

O M G! Don’t panic Earl….it’ll come to you…

DUDE !

I had the perfect system. My Lady Wife always wanted me to accompany her (fabric store, lingerie dept. etc.) I ALWAYS have a book with me (tablet these days) and would find somewhere to sit down close to store exit. She always knew where I would be and I never got worn out following her around. She passed away in 2013. Thanks to God (whoever She is) she didn’t go through the last four years. I miss her.

Brain freeze?

You can call her Betty, and Betty, when she calls you, she can call you Al.

Opals? You’ll find them at the jewelry counter.

Figures she wears the same clothes, good part Opal does not hear him.

I know Opal is wearing a dark lavender coat and has a light lavender dotted dress or blouse…

Where are all the guys that wanted to have Opal put away for forgetting she went shopping alone ?

I think you might find her sitting in a 1950 Studebaker out in the parking lot.

No comment , today . Sorry : (

Two older married couples were having dinner at one of their homes. After dinner the wives went into the kitchen to do the dishes. One of the men then asked the other what was new. He answered that they had gone to a great restaurant. The other asked what the name of it was. The guy hemmed and hawed and finally said, “What is the name of the flower that has thorns and men give to women”? The other answered, “do you mean a rose”? The first replied, “That’s it, a rose.” And then he yelled into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we went to last night?

Just go into the change rooms Earl, pretty sure you will recognize her when you see her, or come out with a better alternative.

My wife and I have different methods of shopping. She’s a browser and grazer, while I have a shopping list I rarely deviate from. I usually, manage to lose her in the first aisle in the supermarket that has all the cosmetics, hair products, etc. I’ve normally filled my grocery list in several aisles before she catches up with me. She’ll get side-tracked a couple of more times while I complete the items on my list and am standing in a checkout line when she arrives with whatever treasure she’s discovered ( that of course, wasn’t on the list ).

Because she firmly believes that when they see me, the shopkeepers and vendors in the mercados raise their price because I’m a gringo, and also because my wife loves to haggle and find the bargains, she prefers to do that type of shopping alone – which suits me just fine! I’m happy to confine my shopping excursions with her to the supermarket and the mall.

Lingerie department? Earl, you wish.

Gadzooks! Not another timed exam.

Earl is about as dumb as Trump supporters.

“Pearl? Roscoe? Muffin? Yeah, that’s it, Muffin!” ☺

Knowing Opal, she’s probably sitting in the Studebaker out in the parking lot.

She’s the one usually asking me these questions. Now I’ve got test anxiety.

lol

Easiest way to find you wife in a store is to start talking to a pretty woman. She will show up out of no where.

my wife can disappear 15 secs after going into grocery store.

My kids are always complaining that I wander away in stores. I didn’t worry about it until I saw the youngest looking at leashes and collars one day (she doesn’t own a dog).

Your wife might as well be a worm to you.

Reminds me of Maxwell Smart talking about his upcoming marriage to agent 99:

“Why do you call her 99, Max?”“ I don’t know her name.”

Yes! How do they do it?