Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for October 13, 2024

Wow, that sounds scary…..

Are you watching to keep people out or keep people in?

And none of them ever complain about him…

People are dying to be under you.

Rather be a matress tester for P diddy.

The groundskeeper for the cemetery…

in the end is buried by his work.

A cemetery is a terrible setting for a convincing horror story.

Too many plot holes.

Cemetery fences aren’t only to keep people out.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”

So the magistrate kept listening, “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

What’s the difference between a cemetery and a golf course?

There’s only 18 holes in a golf course.

How many dead people do you think are buried in that cemetery?

All of them.

A man went camping this weekend with his girlfriend’s family. The campsite was near a historical cemetery a short hike away. They had no signal at the campsite but the girlfriend’s mom said, “Maybe we will be able to get a signal when we hike up to the cemetery.”The man said, “Nah it’s a dead zone up there.”

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them up since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying, “One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”

He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest“Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”.

They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued, “One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”Suddenly, the voice stopped counting and said, “What about the two at the gate?”

Why is not advisable to take GPS to a cemetery?

Because you don’t want to hear ‘you’ve reached your final destination’.

Is that like a near death experience?

A single seat aeroplane crashed at the cemetery* – police have so reported the pilot escaped with no injuries but they have recovered 20 bodies.

pick appropriate nationality/city for location.

that is a quote from President Bill Clinton, who said “Being President is like being a cemetery groundskeeper. There are a lot of people under you and none of them are listening.”

He whistles a lot

He is good at the job. While he watches over them, they tend to stay dead.

He’s definitely working the graveyard shift.

That gag is X times older than me.

We used to live in Forest Park, Illinois, a village with a little over 14,000 living residents and 80,000 people buried in the five cemeteries in town. Their slogan is “Big city access, small town charm”, but I always thought it should be “More dead than alive”.

♫ I am the midnight watchman ♪

♬ Down at Miller’s Tool and Die… ♫

……and never a complaint.

ba dum tss

I hear it’s a real dead-end job.

Baa Dumm Chee

city resident Cemetarian made the news one night, long ago, when he submitted his entry into the city’s quietest neighborhood contest. he did get Honorable Mention, and more than a few corny jokes .

They’re nothing but a bunch of slackers.

He has undertaken a grave responsibility.

visit the cemetery and you’ll find him buried in his work…

This makes me think of two experiences of being in a cemetery at night. Once, when I was a teenager, a friend and I went into the city cemetery well after dark, but we were freaked out in that there were many strange sounds and we were worried about getting caught by the night watchman (if there was one). The second was when I was in college, walking back to my apartment late at night. I cut through the old cemetery and I started hearing an ominous noise, and it turned out to be a dog sitting on a grave crunching bones (not bones from a grave, fortunately, but it made for a good story).

Never gets a complaint.

The quintessential dead-end job!

You could also say that if you were in the top office of a skyscraper.